Mommy twice over

I delivered a baby boy on august 3. I have been super busy since then, dealing with all kinds of emotions. I think I had some sort of post partum depression.. I cried when I came home from hospital with Sanjay and I felt a little depressed this time too. May be it was the fact that Sanjay was not with me for one month. I am staying at my mom's place, and Sanjay stayed back with my Mother in law. But all is well now. I have been busy learning to be a mom to two kids , and doing justice to it. I have been getting on mode to get back to work(getting my hands on things other than baby things that is...), though I plan to stay home till baby is 5 months old. I got a new laptop, and net connection at my mom's place, where I will be staying till baby Koushik is six months old. :)

Koushik's birth story would warrant a post by itself and I would do it once I find some time. hopefully I will be more regular here.

hope everyone is doing well. :)

 

Today!

So I pull out the new outfit just my husband recently got me. My mother looks at me, and says, in what has become characteristic of her, “Why are you wearing the new dress today?”


Her point being, why spoil all new clothes, keep them for a special occasion.( I am staying at my mom’s place the whole of May, and I go back to my husband’s house in June.)

I tell here, nonchalantly, “Because, it’s my birthday today.”

When your parents forget your birthday, you realize, you have become really old! Sigh!

And then my parents rushed to wish me, gave a gift (what else but cash).

I am 30 years old today. I was excited about it, but then today is just another day. Kid is going for his first trip without me or the husband, and it would have been the perfect day for us to hang out. I wanted to catch a late night movie..

But well, I have the case of low-lying placenta again, and I really don’t want to do any roaming around. But it’s fine.

I am wearing new outfit shaped like a tent, airy and roomy.  Friends still remember me and wish me. Sis speaks to me to wish me after a major fight. Job’s going fine.

Next birthday, I will be on the wrong side of 30, but on the right side of life. I would have settled in to a life with two children, and hopefully manage it well and fine.

Thank God for the blessings and the opportunities.

PS: And this blog is 8 years old! :)

News!

It's finally time to let the whole world and it's uncle know, I am expecting my second baby! A few days back, I had visited my friend and her baby, and while I cradled the little fellow, I knew I couldn't wait for my second little one. I am 4 months pregnant now.

And this pregnancy is so different in all the things that I did. I primarily spent the first trimester job hunting, the second has started, and am settling into a new job. I told my boss my news, after a month in the new job. In a fair world, it shouldn't matter.

My organisation beleives in diversity and inclusion, so I don't think it should matter. But on my side, I am working hard now, so I will have a reputation to fall back on.

Like any pregnancy, this is one too is full of worries. I could write essays on my long list of worries. But as always we will focus on the positives. And I will care for myself , and  I will see this phase through.

I am showing already, past the phase where people wonder if I am pregnant or fat. Like I always say, pregnancy is a wonderful excuse to be fat. No figure/size worries for us mommy-to-bes.

And before I forget, I must note down my most beautiful pregnancy memory - Sanjay giving me my iron tablet every night, with attention to detail - holding a bottle of water in the other hand. He never forgets. At nights, he even helps me with my blanket when I am plain lazy to get up and pull it over myself.

I don't spend as much time as I did the first time aournd, thinking about or reading about pregnancy, I am busy mom already, aren't I?

There can be no relief as that which one feels after telling truth. I felt that once I told in my workplace. So far so good! :)

Back!!

Been on a huge sabbatical from blogging. Went job hunting on a huge scale and managed to find three offers, two of which were decent and finally picked the one closest home. :)

Am now in the new job, started just this week. Going fine so far.

Should get back to active blogging soon enough

Lost .. and Back!

So I haven’t written in a really long time. Blame it all on office. The new project requires me to be on a client network and it doesn’t allow me to blog. Yes! It’s always the work! And don’t even get me started on trying to blog at home. I leave office at 7 PM on my lucky day and between Sanjay’s homework and my home-work ( ;) ), I have no time left. I sleep as I walk into my bedroom.


Hmm.. Work’s going ok, and my increment was decent. It was actually the first decent pay hike of my entire career. So that’s some happy news there!

Proving that if you are committed towards something, you will find a way to do it, I have now started taking driving lessons, for car, of course! All this while I lamented the fact that I am never going to find time to learn car driving, and then one day, it dawned on me, that I must learn it. And here I am, taking lessons at 5 AM. Yeah! You read that right, 5 AM!! I am back home by 6 AM and can continue other activities (which basically involves cleaning, some cooking and getting Sanjay ready for school) un-interrupted!

Been reading a lot. Recently read Jhumpa Lahiri’s “Interpreter of Maladies”, Arnad Ray’s “The Mine” , Lance Armstrong’s “It’s not about the bike.My Journey back to life” , Subroto Bagchi’s “Go Kiss the World”. And now, I just started “Shantaram”. So yes, my literary connections are still ok!!

I could write a review. Hopefully in the near future…

Hope everyone’s doing ok.. and Hope to write more..

Random

1. Life is going on as it usually does. It is smooth, and touch wood, no one has hurt me emotionally in the recent past. That thought makes me smile. :)

2. I am doing some nice things and helping people with whatever I can in my capacity and that makes me smile. No, I am not dong charity, but I am helping my friends and family in any which way I can. And again that makes me smile, because it is not something I thought I had it in me to do. Little things, small efforts and it brings a smile on another person's face and that makes me smile.

3. I have become too much of a motor mouth, and I hope I don't end up hurting anyone.

4. Yes, my blog universe comprises only me and me! So let me give a little space to others too, Sanjay has become a bit of an artist, and I think he might have taken that from me, considering how even my husband's hand writing doesn't qualify for modern art!! If he likes it, I just might enroll him in art class. May be , may be not!! So far it is just school for him.

5. My sis is almost in the fag end of her pregnancy. I will take off from work and help her while she is in hospital for her delivery. I am excited about becoming chithi all over again. My sis says her back hurts and she didnt sleep the whole of yesterday night. hmmm... i didnt have these when I was pregnant, but neither did she with Sriram.. So anyway, I am excited.. I hope for a healthy wonderful baby. Chithi loves you already!!

6. Recently I asked a very basic question on computers to my bro-in-law. And a few days later, I taught him something he didnt know. And then I realized, everyone doesn't know everything. It is ok. We just have to make everyone'e knowledge universe richer by sharing.

7. This weekend, I went for a function without my faithful driver, the husband. So on the way back, we came with one of my husband's cousins who is new to Chennai and was counting on me for directions. The directions I gave him took us from one end of the city to the other. Lets just say we saw all the landmarks in the city as we figured our way home. It was hilariously emabarassing when I admitted I have lived in Chennai all my life. Why , simple Why, can't I give directions??? I don't beleive in taking no for an answer, but this is a skill, I am so very pathetic at!! Well, I guess I would just have to convince myself saying that, everyone doesn't know everything!!
:)

It’s been hectic since I returned back to chennai. So please excuse the no show here.
I landed here in chennai on 21st May and the same night, I was on a train to Bangalore to attend a wedding. There’s been a few more functions, visitng my parents, going out a little bit. All of this and no time make me a bad blogger.

Well, I could just round things up. Disclaimer, I don’t live an interesting life. But I like it.

 1. The last two weeks at Greenville werent easy. I got a virus on my laptop and so I restriced my online activities, not that I was doing anything dangerous. I downloaded a File Comparator for work and I think the virus came with it. So anyway, there was that and there was the new project suddenly appearing in the picture , and I was stressed. Also, I began to feel lonely. All the time in the world, and all you really want is someone to spend it with! Sigh!
All I really wanted was some one to talk to. But I survived, thanks to the friends at office, and phone calls with my husband. I had a good trip back home. Me and my luggage landed safe here in chennai.

2. Which leads me to point 2. It was Hot here! I mean like really hot. I will never judge people who come to India after having lived abroad, and complain about the weather. I lived only 35 days away from here, and yet I complaied of the horrible May heat.

3.Guilt ate me up on seeing my kid. He did well and good. My heart pained and I asked myself, how could I leave this little guy and go away. But he didn’t hate me for it, so its ok.

4. Sanjay’s school starts again. I hope he chases education with pure joy, as if he were chasing a very beautiful lovely wonderful girl!

5.Come June 28, it will be 5 years of marriage. So we are not exactly the same type, sometimes we actually go the opposite way , like, I love roaming around, he is a home bird, I am frank andhave difficulty lying, he is diplomacy personified, I could go on. But like my project manager said about me and the project, we are just right for each other.

6.Yesterday I watched a movie in cinema at 10PM. I got home at 2 AM. A first ever in my life. I was super excited. Sanjay stayed awake the entire time and watched the movie. Oh yes! We are like that!

Travel, Tremors and more

So there was an earthquake yesterday in South East Asia. And we in South India felt the tremors. Man was it scary!!

I was in office trying to complete work when the tremors occurred for the second time. That's when I packed up and left.It was only after I reached home and the husband did too that I felt relief.

Hope everyone is safe where ever they are! My prayers for everyone.

I am all set to travel to Greenville, SC, USA this Saturday. Only my accommodation is yet to be fixed. Phew! I have suggested a hotel and a team at office is working on it. Anyone at Greenville, SC? We could meet you know!

I am hoping Sanjay pulls along this one month that I wont be here. :)

Yesterday was Sanjay's 4th birthday. We did have a small celebration in the evening after everyone was safe and home. As always a thousand words inside me, but speechless at the overwhelming joy!

Bored!

So I got into a project , only it starts mid April and I am pretty jobless. I don't feel the slightest intent to do anything even mildly useful. I feel lazy like never before and am just filling time here.

Which leads me to a question - If someone likes to do something, can they then continuously do it and not get bored by it?

Take me for instance, I like to believe that I like programming, coding.. the works. But since the project was finalized, I have simply stopped reading relevant stuff. Talk about love here. I wish I would only make constructive use of my time, but I am not doing it. Which makes me doubt if I really like what I claim to like.
Since the project was finalized, I have no need to attend any more interviews and hence no need to read stuff. So there. I stopped. Sigh!

Is there someone out there, who can never get bored of doing something / learning something? I would like to hear from you. :)

There is a possibility of travel onsite for a month. But this is only a possibility. I believe it will happen because, they need to train me before I can start working for them. But no dates yet. Only the travel will be to US and for a month. It is US because I already have a valid Visa. Else they were considering sending me to France. But again all this may not happen and they may just train me over phone calls. I was hoping it would be France because I have never been to Europe. But I was also scared of not knowing the language/culture. At least I have been to the US once , so sort of know what to expect. I am hoping I get to travel. This time I think I will explore a little more. So am excited. Also this gives me a wonderful excuse to get more clothes. No western wear for me though, It simply wont gel with my huge nose stud, but am seriously contemplating getting long skirts. :)

I am also worried how Sanjay will react. But I am hoping he would be fine. He didn't miss me when I had to leave him with my in-laws to stay with my parents during their respective eye surgeries. And the trip will only be for a month, not a long time. Fingers crossed.

Sanjay just got promoted from Pre KG to Lower KG. I went to collect his promotion slip and heaved a sigh of relief at successful completion of one year of schooling. Next year he starts to write. Till now it was all oral, and he fared fine. Next year he needs to learn to hold a pencil and write alphabets and numbers. I hope he finds it fun. :)

PS: Title is because I am way too bored now. :)

On Women in Workplace

I am still jobless in my job as I wait for a new project. I am supposed to be making use of this time to study. I do that to about 50% I suppose.

So I have been up to other things like taking off, reading the Millennium series of books (which I really liked BTW for the characterization of the heroine), attending training sessions and some random meetings.

Today I got the opportunity to attend a meeting on inclusivity of women in workplace. It was a discussion where a person from an external organization was recording our inputs. Hopefully the organization will leverage these inputs to create a more women friendly workplace.

This meeting was an eye opener of sorts for me. I knew women had it a little difficult in career. They have these innate breaks – marriage change/break, kids and all that. And they have to certainly take the bigger load at home and work-life balance is important for women. I hope there comes a day when men will realize the importance of time spent with family and when work-life balance will not be a women only issue.

As such I find my organization very employee friendly and I like the work culture here. There is a saying that your job is only as good as the last manager. My last manager was very good. It’s sad that the project had to end. So I don’t know what I am headed for.

So coming back to the meeting, there was the initial introductions where I ran into my first shocker. One person introduced himself and said among other things that he doesn’t have to worry about work-life balance because his wife is a stay at home mom. I mean seriously…. What about your duty as a father to your kids? We need to be good at time management and strike a good deal when it comes to work-life balance. How could you not bother about it?

But I won’t generalize men like that. For that matter I hate slotting/categorizations of any kind. There are all kinds of people who may not fit to definitions. For people are not words in a science dictionary. There was this other person who spoke about post maternity support for women. A guy speaking about a facility where women can pump milk, now that’s real nice. I used to pump milk in the rest room till Sanjay was 1 year old.

One Hr lady said that some Project Managers request that they do not want women while hiring for positions. Some others said that they do not hire women who are about to get married or are pregnant. Apparently they are too much of a risk for the investment made on them.  What about men who shift for better prospects? It is a known fact that at least where I am located, women are a stable resource; they simply do not jump as many jobs as men. But well, looks like some prejudices do exist.

It is a little depressing that the next time I attend an interview, they will judge me for more than my answers and this happens everywhere probably.

I think the answer is when men take equal responsibility of the house, that’s when there will be equality at work. That’s when everyone will look for work-life balance. I see this happening more in the west, in the developed nations. Again I can’t generalize for I am speaking from my interactions with a limited set of people.

There was talk of mentoring women. And then one person said that women are of three types: career oriented, working for the heck of it, working for money. It saddened me to hear this categorization. I work because of the sense of self that it makes me feel. I feel like I am doing something with my intellect, learning something, growing in my own way. Does that make me career oriented? No, because given a choice between a fantabulous job that forces me to work in some other country’s timing and a job with little less prospects where I can keep decent timing, I would choose the latter. For me, family is first, while I will always do complete justice to my job. I won’t work from home if I want to babysit my son, I will take off, because that is the more responsible thing to do. I take my work seriously, but I am not career oriented, neither do I work for money. I work because of the way it makes me feel about myself. As simple as that. I told him outright that I feel offended when someone slots women like this.

I am no feminist. I don’t understand what feminism is all about. I only believe in one thing – equality of all humans. Which is why I won’t treat my house help any different, or believe in caste or such things. Which is why I can never understand how some people feel superior to others. Which is why I will value my four year old son’s opinions and thoughts, or any child’s for that matter.

It was an eye-opening experience for me. Also it reinforced my belief that nothing ever goes waste. In the meeting, one Project manager said there was an opening in his team. I was all gung-ho till I found out that I have to work in UK timing, which won’t work for me. So I am back to square one. It does get a little frustrating when I get serious. But otherwise I am liking this free time. Only I must must make better use of it!

J

Self Appraisal

Back in July, I wrote this brilliant (I excel in self-sarcasm) piece. Today on February 6^th, 2012, I decided to analyze where I have gotten.

      1. Complete SCWCD certification - Fail

I did prepare properly but never got to registering for and writing the exam. Also I should mention here that it’s been close to 6 months since completing the preparation that I have also promptly forgotten all that I prepared. But all’s not bad, as I found out, I just needed to refresh once, spend a day and I had it all back in my head. J

      2. Lose 4 Kgs – Fail

I have not gained. I might have lost during the typhoid bout but I was quick to make up for it. All my life, I never gave my mom an opportunity to say – “Look at you, you have become so thin, I am worried about you”. I never ever let them worry about me. J But on the bright side, I am maintaining, without an exercise regimen, so am happy. No, I am still not finding time to get out there and exercise. But I eat sensibly and well and only home food. So there.

.     3. Write once a day on the blog.  – not much of a Fail

I have been quite regular here I suppose. If not everyday. Must mention here that I have been reading a lot. So the literary wannabe in me is still alive and kicking!

      4. I will save my appreciations and note down important things I do, in preparation for my appraisal each day – Fail

I think I did this only on July 03. A day after I wrote the post under discussion. This year’s appraisal is over and I will know in a couple of months, whether it has been any good to me. J

      5. Now we get to my favourite : As a long term goal, as of March 2013, I would be employable [I am currently employed, but I mean employable for a better role and pay], and would be looking for better opportunites. As of March 2012, I should have attended at least one interview to judge my market worthiness. – Not much of a Fail

This gives me another year. Per this plan, I should have sought opportunities outside to judge my market worthiness. But I didn’t do that. Thankfully though, it happened.At least interviews within the organization. Ever since the current project shut down, I have given two interviews within the organization for new projects. The first one went bad. I did answer about 75%, but I guess the ones I missed were the ones that might have been thought to be crucial. The second one was ok and might just work out. Fingers crossed. So I have been preparing and studying and all that.  Hoping for the best.

PS: I am not celebrating my failures here. They are just reminders that I must keep trying. Self-appraisal, if you may so say. No I am not upset either, I am way too optimistic for my own good. J. I will just keep trying harder and one day, may be a couple of years after my peers, I will definitely get there. J

What am I upto?

Ever since I have taken up the new job, and it will be on whole year in March this year, I have been reading a lot more than I normally would, work-wise and otherwise.We have an online library here and it helps that they bring books to me in person. They charge Rs.100 a month, but I can take any number of books, one book at a time. So I have been reading, and it is nice.

My last read was “I have a Dream”, by Rashmi Bansal. It was an inspiring read. It is about 20 people who have made difference to the lives of so many people. People have started organizations that help others who are disadvantaged in one way or the other. One runs a courier company employing the differently abled, one starts an organization to teach poor children, one feeds poor children, and they all stay here in my country, despite fancy degrees from some of the best universities in India and in the world, helping fellow countrymen. What’s more amazing is how some people just have this calling to do some noble deed. Some are entrepreneurs who do sustainable work that benefits the poor. Some are monks. It is amazing. I always admire people who know what they want to do right from a very young age, like this gentleman who studied Energy Engineering and now provides low cost renewable energy solutions to the rural population. How wonderful is this?

Wow! I wish I could do miniscule amount of good deed that these people are doing. Or just let it be, and say, like my husband, that I am still here, paying my taxes and contributing in a little way to my country. J

Personally, life is better. I smile a lot more. My mother is improving. She is walking short distances. Yesterday she even managed to make breakfast. And all this is a huge improvement from complete bed-rest. Thank God and thanks to the wishes and prayers of all kind people out there.

We did a small vacation to Trivandrum, Kerala. It was much fun.

On the job front, I will have to move to a new project. This one is being temporarily suspended. The good thing about change is the possibility that it is for the better. So I hope that I get into a good project where I get to learn a lot more. I wouldn’t say I am deeply passionate about my work, but I do like it. I do like solving problems, finding solutions, thinking of ways out of a problem. And the one thing I keep telling myself to do, but keep procrastinating is improving my skills work-wise. I learn pretty quickly. So once I get familiar, I tend to just get stuck. It took me 6.5 years to pack up my bags from the previous place. I tend to get attached too soon. I tend to get into a routine. Every day, we have this status call at 3, and I miss it already. I find change very un-settling. But it is good that it happens to me, seeks me out from the dark corners. I would be stuck doing the same thing over and over and that can never be good for one’s career. So here’s hoping for a good change, and for great beginnings.

On Pain and hope

One of the worst experiences of life must be seeing the people you love, suffer in pain. Yesterday night, my mother woke me at 3 AM.( So now we are 3 AM friends. J ) I am staying at my mom’s place to help them. My mother’s cataract surgery was planned today, but we had to cancel it. She was suffering from severe pain in her left leg. Today morning we took her to a doctor and he says – Prolapsed disc. I have cooked breakfast and lunch for them and have come to office. She has to be in bed rest for two days. My dad will manage till I get back home.

I hope and pray that she gets fine. When we found out that she had to have the cataract surgery, her first reaction was – “Why me?”. And now this.  But the optimist in me always counts my blessing. And I tell her that she will be fine in a few days.

My father’s health is improving. We took many tests and took him to many doctors. Finally it was the local doctor who asked him to stay off milk and that did the trick. So now my father is on low medication and managing fine. He has his dietery restrictions, but that aside , he is fine. Hopefully in another three months, he will get back to eating normal food.

I am a little upset about this. It is so heart-breaking to see people you love, suffer. I have seen my son go through a surgery. I have seen my father through a couple of surgeries. My husband had a minor accident and I secretly cried. And my mom, she has always had knee pain, but she was managing along. But one thing, through it all, I had faith and hope that it will all be fine, that everything will be alright. And I believe now too. J

And as always, no better time to reinforce to myself, how all other things are trivial in front of health.For me and all other young people out there, make the right choices while you can.

My mom is slightly over-weight and I believe that adds on to her knee woes. Which is why, I take such pain to eat right and not gain too much weight. As a working mom of two girls, my mother never had time for exercise. How could she, when her mornings were spent making breakfast, lunch and Tiffin for us? We never felt disadvantaged in any way as latch key kids. We had it all, and my parents worked very hard for it. I guess it shows now.

It pains in a deep side of my heart to see their pain. But there is always hope. And effort. I will do what I can to take good care of them and they will be fine.

There are some things that you can’t teach. And I guess love for your parents is one such. I remember as a teenager, when my grand-parents were visiting us, my father told us that we must talk to them and not let them feel lonely.  I learnt from the way my parents lived and cared for their parents. I learnt from my mom to love my in-laws as my parents. And I am blessed with good in-laws. I stay in mom’s place helping them, leaving kid behind with my in-laws. I couldn’t do it without their support. So yes, it is mutual. I learnt a lot of my values from my parents and I am proud of it.

Hope heals and I pray that my mom feels that hope too, that she will be fine.

Incoherent post, but I had to get this out of my system. J

Perspective

Like all things that I end up buying, this was unnecessary. But I still bought  myself a pair of slippers/sandals (excuse my lack of knowledge of fashion lexicon), while my eyes were looking through the store to find a pair for my mom. My mom and I, we both have large feet, India size 9. So it is a little hard to find footwear for us, and fashionable ones that.

So I was happy and all that , that I found something suitable and feminine and reasonably priced for my LARGE FEET.

When my sister had come down to my mother's place and I visited her, I convinced her to buy a pair. She probably doesn't need one now, what with the fact that her feet will swell up soon enough thanks to pregnancy, but who can resist a good pair of beautiful footwear.

And so we were done with the purchase. The salesman, using his well practiced salesman technique, inquires if I need a pair too. I am still not wearing precious new footwear and walking around in old ones.

I smile at him and look into his eyes and tell him, "Well I just bought the same pair from you a day back".

And he smiled back in recognition and said - "Oh Yes! When you walked in, I thought that the footwear looked familiar"

Happy Pongal

A proposal for Sanjay

Today, Sanjay received his first proposal. Yes you read that right!

Sanjay is good friends with the little girl next door. This girl, M,  is a year younger than Sanjay but she is real smart. Everyday they spend time playing and if their mothers are busy, they stand (she in her balcony and he in the stairs facing her house) and talk.

Today was yet another day. M had just woken up and stands at the balcony. Sanjay has had his bath and breakfast and I am chasing him to get him to wear his uniform. M shouts out to Sanjay.

“Sanjay”, she says.

“I Love you Sanjay!”

I think I am hallucinating, but everyone around me, including M’s mother is shocked. So yes, the words were spoken by the 3 year old girl to the 4 year old boy. And this was the first ever proposal received by Sanjay.

Time

As the tales of all writers, and my conscience pricks me to immediately add, wannabe writers, go, every story has a seed in some real life instances. Some become stories and some, well, in a non-imaginative day; they just become accounts, to be reflected back on, someday, and somewhere. And as any wannabe writer trying to avoid writer’s block will tell you, one is always searching for that real inspiration, not mundane instances in one’s ordinary life.

Yesterday was yet another ordinary day. What you did on weekend, people ask. Well, us, we like to spend all the time at home, attending house-hold chores, lazing around, indulging in pointless talk, sitting with empty plates, long after lunch and dinner, and just talking. And just once in a while, someone drops in, a sudden guest, before you could call your simplistic life boring.

And yesterday, it was a college-mate, not a friend, but, husband’s friend. Should I mention that the husband and I were classmates and are now house-mates.? J The husband mentions him and I travel back in time, yes, nostalgia is almost a hobby now. This friend, A, was unique, one of a kind. Any day that he was absent, was a boring day. He was a trouble maker, yes, but students were always fond of him. He was a back bencher, and a nightmare to many a professor. My husband and I still recall some of the funny things he did back in college and laugh like it was just the minute before. I remember he came to my house once, a day before an exam to ask me to tear out some papers from my text book, so he could Xerox it. He almost bullied me into doing it. I wonder if he ever feared anyone. Anyone at all. He was flamboyant. He would give roses to random girls and yet he was not a flirt. Everyone said he was a good friend with a good heart. I only observed him from a distance, and was always driven by curiousness over his uniqueness.

We were so different. He stood out and he liked it. I tried hard to blend in. If I could, I would have dissolved in to the crowd that was the classroom. Attention made me blush. I liked the sidelines, went to them like steel to magnet.

I was upstairs, getting dinner ready, when my husband rushes in and tells me, he’s here. I walk in expecting him to be same, the same way I remembered him from college. I see him and smile and start talking. And in his shyness, I see a totally different person. It’s like we have swapped characters. No, I could never be him from college. But he has become a minor version of me from college. It doesn’t occur to me till he leaves that he has spoken only twice to me, and only four times in general. We had good conversation with his wife and his kid and Sanjay got along very well.

They leave, and I want to go and continue dinner. But I stand still and think to myself- What had time done to him?

What has time done to me? What has time done to you?

New year rants

So another year. The blessing of time.. J

As much as I would like to be happy and optimistic, some things bother me

My father has been suffering from stomach ache for some time now. We have tried different medicines and different doctors. Everything works for a week and then he is back to pain. Worst thing is that he doesn’t have faith that he will get back to normalcy. But as always, we are there by his side, listening to him, comforting him, giving him hope and taking good care of him. The medicine that he is taking currently is helping him. I pray that he is fit and fine as always. I haven’t known him any other way. He always had a spring in his step and an optimistic outlook. It hurts to see him sad. He is in my sister’s house now and should be diverted enough to not dwell on his health problems. And hopefully 2012 will cure him completely, and this will just be a passing cloud.

Sanjay – we discovered that he has 5 cavities. A little something in my heart burst on hearing this. We got one filled yesterday and will follow up to get the others filled. This when I haven’t ever given him a bottle, and been brushing his teeth twice a day everyday for two years. But he has a sweet tooth and one that we indulge. No more chocolates or sweets for him. Sigh! Almost feel like a failure. Why my child? And all that.. but well, I have to take care that there are no more cavities.

There you go, my major concerns. And then, there’s hair loss that I seem to be suffering from. I was complaining about it to my husband, when he tells me that if I stop making fun of him, my hair fall problem would cease to exist. (I always make fun of him saying that he will go bald in five years. I have been doing this for about six years and no, he’s not bald, not even this close to bald..) Hmmm… I can see the strains of nearing 30 on me. This May I will only be 29. It’s 2013 that will worry me. Till then… I wouldn’t fret that much I guess.

And the MIL has been having issues adjusting to her new dentures. It is quite sad to see someone in pain. But hopefully it will settle-in in sometime.

And this brings me to something I feel strongly about – the advantages of Joint family system. I live with my in-laws. My parents live 4 KMs away from me. We are always there for each other. The fact that there are others to share and care means so much. Yes, there is some loss of privacy, and sometimes, you might feel like your life is being run by your parents, this when you are nearing 30. (At times I stop to think if Sanjay would feel like his life is being run by me, but then he is not yet four!!) But the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

2011 Round up!

Happy New Year to All!!!!

Analysis of the year gone by:
1. I made my first ever jobshift.Very clumsily executed. And a good lesson learnt. I had three interviews that were major disappointments, and then I got the offer where I am currently working. I faced my fears, and that was a good thing. Coming to clumsy execution, I told the new place that I can join in a month. The previous place wouldn't hear of it. So I had to give a personal reason to get out.

2. Managed not to gain too much weight. Phew! I might have gained 1-2 kgs. The pair of jeans that fit me right before I lost a lot of weight are now loose around the waist, as they were a year back. So I haven't gained all that much. Phew again!

3. Year of much sickness. Typhoid, cold many many times.... Learning to not ignore my health and to listen to elders on what to do and what not to do

4. Still stay in touch with all the friends that matter. Got on facebook just a week back. Did some good deeds that warmed my heart.

5. Took career seriously. Made use of free time to brush up my skills,

6. I am going to become chithi all over again. My sister is expecting her second one. She is just about to complete the first trimester. Makes me ponder on adding to my brood too. But that's for later. I think sis is going to have a girl and I might just share that favorite girl name (which i had thought of, before Sanjay was born and then we had to think up of boy names) with her. Or I might just save it... who knows ;)

7. As happy and as optimistic and as foolish as ever!!! I couldn't ask for more....

Things to do in the New Year:

1. Work on being  a better person.
2. Attend at least one interview, to judge myself. I like where i work now and won't shift for a while.
3. Complete one certification.
4. Lose 5 Kgs.

PS: Inspired by this

Random

Random bullet-point events from the recent past:

• Recently a colleague of mine asked me how many months I have been married. And this was during lunch. Everyone at the table started laughing, because I am just not that young. I think the colleague realized and she asked me, do you have a baby? Well, no I have a school going son. “But you don’t look that old!” For the rest of the day, I was floating!Well, till I got stuck with work till 10 PM. And then I forgot to do something and the next day morning I heard the good news about things not working, so am back at office. Status: Work is in progress 
• Yesterday we were at my husband’s cousin’s wedding. My husband wore a new formal shirt which looked real nice on him. A little boy commented that my husband looks like the bride-groom. I think that made the rest of my husband’s evening.
• We had lots of time to kill yesterday. And I took Sanju out with me to shop simply because the Wedding hall was pretty close to the shopping hub of Chennai. I had promised Sanju a toy. And before taking him to the Toys section, I was simply looking at the handbags on display. And then Sanjay tells me – “You already have a handbag. Why are you looking at these?” – already!!
•  I love weddings. They are always fun. I love wearing the lovely heavy silk sarees. When else do I get to wear them? I also get to simply sit around and eat and watch random people. This once I was not chasing Sanjay. He found playmates and kept himself busy. Not to forget, listening in on interesting conversations, apart from making mundane ones myself!