Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Here Again.. Why I must continue to write

Why must I continue to write? Well, sometimes it is better than verbal diarrhea.. as my colleague would refer to my constant nonsensical ramblings..

But sad jokes apart, I must continue to write for I must not lose myself. I must continue to write so I do not look back at regret for not honing what could have been a sliver of a talent. I must continue to write for I too have a voice.

When I started blogging years back, social media was not big, blogs were. I spent hours and hours reading blogs via RSS feeds. Times change.

As I always say, What for is the written word, if there is none to read it?

Doesn't matter.. It's a nice secluded spot to pen down your thoughts.. to be yourself!!

Readership or not, I hope I never lose my voice!

As a busy working mom of two, trying my best, searching the answer for work-life balance, constant updates of one's life is a thing of past.

I realized I have totally stopped writing what I called poetry. Where are the words? Hmm.. scary!!

When was the last time I sat down with a book? When I sprained my ankle and couldn't walk for three days..

Yes, write I must. :)

Monday, July 25, 2016


You can take away my toys
and make me wear a suit

You can take away my joy
and make me wear a frown

You can take away my freedom
and make me wear a mask

You can try to kill my spirit
and it may weight me down a while

But you can't take away the child in me,
the little child who forgets
and finds a reason to smile


Thursday, January 15, 2015


What are you to me?
What am I to you?
Strangers travelling together
Friends as long as journey lasts
Then mirages dissolving with time

Monday, September 22, 2014

Boy child

I leave to work.  I see you playing next door. I call out to you to say goodbye. You say bye and I turn away , for time waits for none, and , well, there is so much to be done. But then I hear you calling me hurriedly. I stop and turn back, nothing can be more important than you. I anticipate you to show me some funny new trick, or some brave new trick. Instead you are running towards me. You climb over the wall, and jump into my arms. And as all your friends are watching, you hug me, and gracefully accept that peck on your cheek that you came to receive.And you make me realize, at 6 years old, how you are still my little boy child!

I realize how nothing could ever be more important than this. That no matter how much you grow up, you will still be my child!

Monday, September 08, 2014

A year in a few words

I haven't even visited my own blog for so long. It's been busy busy year of being mom of two kids. The good news is that I know I am through the toughest year as a working mom.

Been through my set of ups and downs. Been emotional struggle of balancing two kids. Been through grief of learning that my mom had cancer. It was stage two, and she is in the fag end of her treatment. As always felt hope and had faith.

Been through the tough two months of exclusively breastfeeding younger one and working, and also managing to take care of elder one.

Been through learning that I cant do it all on my own, and letting others help me. And at times, summoning up the courage to ask for help as well.

Been through sibling rivalry , and now Sanjay beginning to love his little brother, well, a little bit.

It's been eventful, to say the least!!

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

And we make progress..

I don't know about others, but for me finding motivation within myself is quite difficult. Sometimes I do. Like the day Koushik was born, and he was in NICU, I cried. And then the physiotherapist walked in and told me of exercises to do, and then I began to practice them, so when the baby came along, I would have the strength to feed him. And then here I stand at the end of my maternity leave, I would have given up or relaxed on my plans of exclusive breastfeeding, but for my friend.

I got a one month extension for maternity leave. And then when baby is 4 months old, in December , I have to get back to work. For my first son, I managed to get leave with and without pay for 6 months. but now I just have to get back. I have a friend and former colleague. I know she managed to exclusively breastfeed her baby for 2 months after joining full time work. And so I told myself , if she can do it, I can too. She was actually getting back from divorce at that time, and tough as that might have been, she didn't find that a reason, to no do the best for her baby. I always tell her, she is a very good mom.

And please don't get me wrong. As a mother of two, I have learnt not to judge other mothers. we do the best in our given scenarios, and if you choose to supplement your baby's feed, you probably have a reason. The pediatrician for my elder son was so adamant that I must exclusively breastfeed my baby for the first six months, and I have seen Sanjay get a terrible cough, when I tried giving him cow's milk when he was 5 months old, fearing I may not get a leave extension - that I will try my best to exclusively breastfeed this baby till he is at least 5 and a half months old. That's the plan for now.

So I get back to work on Dec 2. I am excited about it, but I am sure I will miss the little fellow. but he is in good hands, so I wouldn't need to worry.

and why do I say all this, so some mother looking for motivation finds this a little useful. :)

Monday, October 21, 2013

Story so far..

Koushik’s birthday was a dramatic one. I wondered before I got myself admitted to the hospital if I would cry this time, when they showed me my baby. I cried for joy when sanju was born. I had become a mother and the joy was overwhelming. The surgeons asked me if I felt any pain, I didn’t reply , and my gyneac, a lady, understood and said “she must be emotional”.

This time when I saw koushik for the first I cried too, only they werent tears of happiness. The first time, I laid my eyes on Koushik, he was in an incubator and it pained my heart to see him that way. Nothing scary though, he didn’t breathe as soon as he was born and they had to resuscitate him, and he was in NICU till his breathing steadied down. But it was the toughest day of my life. I cried and cried, for the fact that my baby was not near me. The image of him in that incubator, searching vainly, for nursing, pained me so much. He was on drips, and they allowed me to feed him, only after they were sure his breathing steadied, and then after 12 hours in NICU, my little miracle was handed to me. It took a while for me for to forget that sadness. But all is well that ends well. Hes fine now and that’s all that matters. Thanks to God and to the doctors. It’s not a big deal, the doctors say, but for me it was. Phew!

And I have been making progress as mom of two. My sis gave me this advice, she said, after two kids, one cannot hope to spend exclusive time with each kid. And that sort of eased me. Well, it’s not all rosy yet. Some days, I feel like a failure as a mom, like when Koushik’s weight gain wasn’t as much as I expected it to be, and the same day Sanjay comes home with 1/25 on maths, and I feel I have failed both of them. And then there are days like today , when Koushik’s infection seems to have gotten better, and sanju studies a wee bit more and watches a wee bit less TV. I take it one day at a time.

The current pressing concern is extension of maternity leave. I believe in exclusive brest feeding for the first 6 months, so I am wondering what to do. But taking everything one day at a time. Hoping for the best.