Self Appraisal

Back in July, I wrote this brilliant (I excel in self-sarcasm) piece. Today on February 6^th, 2012, I decided to analyze where I have gotten.

      1. Complete SCWCD certification - Fail

I did prepare properly but never got to registering for and writing the exam. Also I should mention here that it’s been close to 6 months since completing the preparation that I have also promptly forgotten all that I prepared. But all’s not bad, as I found out, I just needed to refresh once, spend a day and I had it all back in my head. J

      2. Lose 4 Kgs – Fail

I have not gained. I might have lost during the typhoid bout but I was quick to make up for it. All my life, I never gave my mom an opportunity to say – “Look at you, you have become so thin, I am worried about you”. I never ever let them worry about me. J But on the bright side, I am maintaining, without an exercise regimen, so am happy. No, I am still not finding time to get out there and exercise. But I eat sensibly and well and only home food. So there.

.     3. Write once a day on the blog.  – not much of a Fail

I have been quite regular here I suppose. If not everyday. Must mention here that I have been reading a lot. So the literary wannabe in me is still alive and kicking!

      4. I will save my appreciations and note down important things I do, in preparation for my appraisal each day – Fail

I think I did this only on July 03. A day after I wrote the post under discussion. This year’s appraisal is over and I will know in a couple of months, whether it has been any good to me. J

      5. Now we get to my favourite : As a long term goal, as of March 2013, I would be employable [I am currently employed, but I mean employable for a better role and pay], and would be looking for better opportunites. As of March 2012, I should have attended at least one interview to judge my market worthiness. – Not much of a Fail

This gives me another year. Per this plan, I should have sought opportunities outside to judge my market worthiness. But I didn’t do that. Thankfully though, it happened.At least interviews within the organization. Ever since the current project shut down, I have given two interviews within the organization for new projects. The first one went bad. I did answer about 75%, but I guess the ones I missed were the ones that might have been thought to be crucial. The second one was ok and might just work out. Fingers crossed. So I have been preparing and studying and all that.  Hoping for the best.

PS: I am not celebrating my failures here. They are just reminders that I must keep trying. Self-appraisal, if you may so say. No I am not upset either, I am way too optimistic for my own good. J. I will just keep trying harder and one day, may be a couple of years after my peers, I will definitely get there. J

Trivandrum Trip Summary in pictures

Images from Trivandrum Zoo: This zoo is very well maintained and has lots of trees so it isn't all that difficult to walk around in the hot hot afternoon.

 All these wild cats have big enclosures which are being renovated, and hence you see them in cages here. We were lucky, we got to see them pretty close.

 Husband's friend's house near Trivandrum:

 Honey bees live here. And provide honey for the house. :)

 Scenes from boating trip:

Sanjay enjoyed a horse ride

 And this is why we went to Trivandrum. Husband's friend's Wedding.

What am I upto?

Ever since I have taken up the new job, and it will be on whole year in March this year, I have been reading a lot more than I normally would, work-wise and otherwise.We have an online library here and it helps that they bring books to me in person. They charge Rs.100 a month, but I can take any number of books, one book at a time. So I have been reading, and it is nice.

My last read was “I have a Dream”, by Rashmi Bansal. It was an inspiring read. It is about 20 people who have made difference to the lives of so many people. People have started organizations that help others who are disadvantaged in one way or the other. One runs a courier company employing the differently abled, one starts an organization to teach poor children, one feeds poor children, and they all stay here in my country, despite fancy degrees from some of the best universities in India and in the world, helping fellow countrymen. What’s more amazing is how some people just have this calling to do some noble deed. Some are entrepreneurs who do sustainable work that benefits the poor. Some are monks. It is amazing. I always admire people who know what they want to do right from a very young age, like this gentleman who studied Energy Engineering and now provides low cost renewable energy solutions to the rural population. How wonderful is this?

Wow! I wish I could do miniscule amount of good deed that these people are doing. Or just let it be, and say, like my husband, that I am still here, paying my taxes and contributing in a little way to my country. J

Personally, life is better. I smile a lot more. My mother is improving. She is walking short distances. Yesterday she even managed to make breakfast. And all this is a huge improvement from complete bed-rest. Thank God and thanks to the wishes and prayers of all kind people out there.

We did a small vacation to Trivandrum, Kerala. It was much fun.

On the job front, I will have to move to a new project. This one is being temporarily suspended. The good thing about change is the possibility that it is for the better. So I hope that I get into a good project where I get to learn a lot more. I wouldn’t say I am deeply passionate about my work, but I do like it. I do like solving problems, finding solutions, thinking of ways out of a problem. And the one thing I keep telling myself to do, but keep procrastinating is improving my skills work-wise. I learn pretty quickly. So once I get familiar, I tend to just get stuck. It took me 6.5 years to pack up my bags from the previous place. I tend to get attached too soon. I tend to get into a routine. Every day, we have this status call at 3, and I miss it already. I find change very un-settling. But it is good that it happens to me, seeks me out from the dark corners. I would be stuck doing the same thing over and over and that can never be good for one’s career. So here’s hoping for a good change, and for great beginnings.

On Pain and hope

One of the worst experiences of life must be seeing the people you love, suffer in pain. Yesterday night, my mother woke me at 3 AM.( So now we are 3 AM friends. J ) I am staying at my mom’s place to help them. My mother’s cataract surgery was planned today, but we had to cancel it. She was suffering from severe pain in her left leg. Today morning we took her to a doctor and he says – Prolapsed disc. I have cooked breakfast and lunch for them and have come to office. She has to be in bed rest for two days. My dad will manage till I get back home.

I hope and pray that she gets fine. When we found out that she had to have the cataract surgery, her first reaction was – “Why me?”. And now this.  But the optimist in me always counts my blessing. And I tell her that she will be fine in a few days.

My father’s health is improving. We took many tests and took him to many doctors. Finally it was the local doctor who asked him to stay off milk and that did the trick. So now my father is on low medication and managing fine. He has his dietery restrictions, but that aside , he is fine. Hopefully in another three months, he will get back to eating normal food.

I am a little upset about this. It is so heart-breaking to see people you love, suffer. I have seen my son go through a surgery. I have seen my father through a couple of surgeries. My husband had a minor accident and I secretly cried. And my mom, she has always had knee pain, but she was managing along. But one thing, through it all, I had faith and hope that it will all be fine, that everything will be alright. And I believe now too. J

And as always, no better time to reinforce to myself, how all other things are trivial in front of health.For me and all other young people out there, make the right choices while you can.

My mom is slightly over-weight and I believe that adds on to her knee woes. Which is why, I take such pain to eat right and not gain too much weight. As a working mom of two girls, my mother never had time for exercise. How could she, when her mornings were spent making breakfast, lunch and Tiffin for us? We never felt disadvantaged in any way as latch key kids. We had it all, and my parents worked very hard for it. I guess it shows now.

It pains in a deep side of my heart to see their pain. But there is always hope. And effort. I will do what I can to take good care of them and they will be fine.

There are some things that you can’t teach. And I guess love for your parents is one such. I remember as a teenager, when my grand-parents were visiting us, my father told us that we must talk to them and not let them feel lonely.  I learnt from the way my parents lived and cared for their parents. I learnt from my mom to love my in-laws as my parents. And I am blessed with good in-laws. I stay in mom’s place helping them, leaving kid behind with my in-laws. I couldn’t do it without their support. So yes, it is mutual. I learnt a lot of my values from my parents and I am proud of it.

Hope heals and I pray that my mom feels that hope too, that she will be fine.

Incoherent post, but I had to get this out of my system. J

Procrastination

You know, you have ambitions, lofty ambitions. This is not bad, but actually pretty good. You set your sights high. You know you have it in you. You are past self-doubt, but you are not brimming in self-confidence either. You have judged where you are, and what you can do now. You have your lofty goal and you know the distance you need to travel. You even see the paths and auxiliary paths and fall-back paths all intertwining in the map of your mind. You know what you can be, if you reach where you want to reach. It’s all unfolding nice and clear in mind’s eye – the series of actions, you need to do. You know and you have read it all, that the first step is the biggest and the most difficult. Finally you are prepared; you tell yourself, that today’s the day. Today, you make your first big step.

Your hands reach out to begin the task. And suddenly they shrink back, overwhelmed by the gravity of this step, the responsibilities it will bring. A sudden doubt may be. And you put it off for tomorrow. Just a day delayed for destiny.

Wedding

Dolls dressed as bride and bride-groom. Snapped at a friend's wedding.. Very cute isn't it?

Perspective

Like all things that I end up buying, this was unnecessary. But I still bought  myself a pair of slippers/sandals (excuse my lack of knowledge of fashion lexicon), while my eyes were looking through the store to find a pair for my mom. My mom and I, we both have large feet, India size 9. So it is a little hard to find footwear for us, and fashionable ones that.

So I was happy and all that , that I found something suitable and feminine and reasonably priced for my LARGE FEET.

When my sister had come down to my mother's place and I visited her, I convinced her to buy a pair. She probably doesn't need one now, what with the fact that her feet will swell up soon enough thanks to pregnancy, but who can resist a good pair of beautiful footwear.

And so we were done with the purchase. The salesman, using his well practiced salesman technique, inquires if I need a pair too. I am still not wearing precious new footwear and walking around in old ones.

I smile at him and look into his eyes and tell him, "Well I just bought the same pair from you a day back".

And he smiled back in recognition and said - "Oh Yes! When you walked in, I thought that the footwear looked familiar"

Inquisitive!

There is so much one can learn from children. Everyday Sanjay asks me at least one question, the answer to which I do not know. It is eye-opening, literally to see the world through a child’s eye. Fills me with wonder. And also makes me wonder, when did I stop questioning and start accepting?

Day before yesterday , Sanjay asked me – Why do dogs have tails? Apart from wagging I couldn’t think of any other purpose. So I told him that I will find out more and tell him. Apparently dogs use their tails as a rudder while swimming. I found at least ten other uses for the tail.

Yesterday, he asked me – Why is fire hot? My first reaction was to see if he had hurt himself. Thankfully no. He had just kept his hand in the vicinity of fire to feel the heat.  Of course, I told him without admonishing him, to not get too close to fire. I didn’t know the answer and was just googling it.Did you know - "Fire is the result of a chemical reaction (oxidation) which releases energy stored in chemical bonds. This released energy is the "heat" you feel."

I had never questioned why fire is hot. I just accepted it. I will go home and explain to Sanju. It is beautiful to learn from a child. As they say, the child is indeed the father of man.