Thursday, November 17, 2011

When it hurts..... What do you do?

Life's sailing along smoothly. It is bound to if you have suddenly moved to your mother's house. The husband is out of station and so is the MIL, so I moved. I am enjoying this little vacation by sleeping a little longer and not doing any work at home. In fact I am even going to get a haircut today evening. And lack of purpose is preventing me from shopping. I will go back on Saturday when everyone is back.

After a month’s time, I am eating out. We went for team lunch to one of the good restaurants in town and I threw caution out the window and gorged. I am eating fried stuff for the first time in a month. The last time I went out, I stuck to curd rice and ice cream, but not today. Hopefully, I will still be fine. All the rules were for a month and I am just days away from a month since I had typhoid.

A few days back, I was discussing with my sister on the hurt one feels when a loved one says something rude/harsh/hurting. What do you do?

I have my own way of dealing with it. At first I learn my lesson. The hurt teaches me that I would never hurt another person in the same way. Even if that person is a little person like my son. I learn to measure my words, that even if I don’t mean them, once they are out of my mouth, I really have no control on them, and they could hurt another person real bad.

Of course, it hurts when rude hurting words come from those you love. Why? Because you care. You could reciprocate and make things worser. Or you could just withdraw and let time heal your wounds. There are things to do and time flies by, and by the end of the day, you may not be as angry as you were when things started out. That’s what I do. I just keep my mouth shut. In fact, the anger prevents me from having normal conversation with the person in question, but that’s better than hurting them right back.

And when the hurt no longer lurks around my heart, I think of all the wonderful things that person has done for me. And each person has given me at least one lasting memory of their good deeds for me. I will never forget the way my MIL took care of me when I was pregnant and now, down with Typhoid. I will never forget the way my mother cared for me when I just gave birth to Sanjay. I will never forget my Dad putting me over his own self respect. I will never forget my sister waking me up, so I could study, the night before my interview for my first job. I will never forget my sister crying for me, when I was sad for some other thing, even on her day of joy. I will never forget that my FIL bought nuts and Mother’s horlicks and all other things when I was pregnant. My husband doesn’t give me many opportunities to be angry with him, but if ever I do, I have so many wonderful memories to think back on. I will never forget the way he took care of me for four days that I was in hospital right after Sanju was born. It pained and I couldn’t turn. He would lift me up and help me turn. When I am calm, and think of all the love I have received, I don’t see the need to be angry anymore. And if something still bothers me, I would have a meaningful conversation with the person in concern to sort things out.

Well, with some people, conversations are never useful. Then I just forgive them. That’s all!

In life, I have learnt one thing – Hate is an emotion which calls for huge investment. When there are so many positive things to be focused on, we keep telling our minds and hearts to go back to one negative incident, which time might otherwise wipe away and keep telling ourselves to hate.

Like they say – Forgive the person. Don’t forget the lesson!


Jeevan said...

Very true! The mind quickly catches the rarely occurred negative incidents once hurt leaving the many positive deed done. Its so nice having a caring family behind and i greatly admire the way u carry against anger and forgiving is not easy and if not, life won't be meaningful.

Agree with the phrase at last!

monu said...

Jeevan, very rightly said.