Monday, September 19, 2011

On motherhood on tough days

I am not technically a mommy blogger, but I am still a mommy. I sit here trying to get some work done at office, and still grappling with the image of my child crying. Why can’t I replace that image with that of his smiling face? Even when I saw him smiling with my own two eyes? Sigh!! I am actually emotionally exhausted, and like all women, I just need to talk I guess.

So today was one of those days, when Sanjay doesn’t want to go to school. And my inner battle begins. Do I just let him stay at home? Do I send him to school?

Only today, the drama unfolded before the school gates. He kept a sad face. But yet he was sweet enough to share with another school boy from Pre KG, his chocolate and sweet enough to ask that boy if he needs water.

A mother knows her child better than anyone else, may be till he grows up old enough to find a soul mate. I saw Sanjay’s face was so unhappy. I went close to him and whispered into his ears,”You don’t want to go to school?” And then he started crying, like he had been holding back his tears all along. Like me.

And then he puked. And then he insisted on not changing into his spare clothes. And then he walked right into school. Man, that was tough! I was so torn, should I have just brought him out? Will this encourage him to cry and avoid school?

And then it was hell for me till I went back to school to pick him up. I was angry with the whole world- One angry young woman on rampage on her bike. Add to that traffic and I was getting late to pick him up. Yes, for this one week and a few days last week, I am dropping him to school, and coming to work and going back to pick him and drop him home and come back to work, and I do manage to get some work done here.

So I walk into school, all anxious and he stands inside his class smiling like an angel and the teacher says nice things about him and even the ayah-ammas say nice things about him, how he is a nice child and very polite and all that.

A word about the ayah-ammas, they do the cleaning in the nursery section and help children with going to bathroom. Life is tough for them. I was chatting up with them today. One lady was telling me ,how being an ayah in nursery section is very difficult. That after all the cleaning, in case children make a mess in the classroom, they don’t even feel like eating. I feel sad for them. But after that she added,” but we think that service to these small children is like service to God”. Thank you Ayah-amma for taking care and helping children like Sanjay.

Being a parent has made me realize how much my mom would have gone through, being a working mother herself. I have a new found respect for her, from the moment when I became a mother, and there she was, taking care of me and my child.

Motherhood is still a wonderful journey, because, after each teeny-weeny trial, you stand there, wondering, how did you become capable of loving another human-being like this…


Jeevan said...

Mothers are unique and same in kind taking care their child in a very special way and only a mother could understand the other when they become a mother.

What u say about school ayah was very true... and there service is remarkable and taking care of each child as their own aren't enough to appreciate.

Mitr Friend - Bhushavali said...

Wow. That's a post straight from the heart.
I am remembering my own kinder garden when I would cry sitting in the class seeing my mom leave me and go. And then there was this little girl beside me, of my own age ofcourse, who was much more composed and tried to calm me down. So matured for her age, at the age of 5....!!!
And yeah, thanks for visiting my blog Fashion Panache. Do visit often. I'd love your visits & comments... :)

Hariharan K said...

wow, thats mixed emotions gayathri...loved this piece very much..