Love of a child

How huge must your tiny little heart be?
That it could hold so much unadulterated love..
All of five years, you prepare to welcome
your three year old brother,
you shop little treats for him,
and tempting as it might have been for you,
you still choose to wait for your little brother,
so you both can share your little treats…

How at your tender age,
you still teach a grown-up to love..

PS: Dedicated to my nephew Sriram, and to his magnanimity and his loving heart..when he is old enough to read an understood, I would probably show him this.
We were supposed to go spend a few days in my sister’s house. Sanjay fell sick and we never went.
But Sriram was waiting for Sanjay, to come and eat the sweets together…

I took four days off  from work, to coincide with Sanjay's school holiday. Nursed him back to health, and now back.. This explains the gap in blogging!

On faith, pain and all that..

I am in a nice mood today. Which explains why I am blogging, as opposed to 4 years back, when I blogged when I was sad and couldn’t talk about it to anyone.

Life has changed so much and me..you see these days, I am not shy of my problems, whatever they are, currently not much, Thank you.. And so since am not shy of my problems, I am able to talk about them and I don’t need to hide my problems and worse still hide my pains.

The worst part of not sharing my problems or at least not being open about them was pretending everything was alright, when actually I was at my lowest. I know at least one of you must be reading this, and if not..this is for myself, if I ever return to my “hide your problems” phase..i tell you, totally not worth it.

Those days, I would cry everyday. My eye lids would be swollen. And I would apply thick eye liner so that it doesn’t show, the swollen eyelids that is…how much more easier, If I had just been open that I am upset about something.

So that was long back and thankfully, I have come a long way from that… I have married the person of my choice, in case you were wondering what I was crying about.

The last time I was upset was when my nephew fell ill and that was a good two years back. And I dealt with it positively, by writing “Sri Rama Jayam”, keeping my hope and total faith on God.

I am so glad I am finally back to my optimistic ways. It rained yesterday and the hubby and me were getting drenched and were on way to work. I had smartly chosen a dark color salwar kameez. And did I crib that I was getting all drenched? I began to enjoy getting driven around in the rain.

Yesterday while on way back home, I saw this baby boy, around my son’s age, crying in the railway station. He didn’t have a piece of clothing and was sitting near his sibling and crying. There were two idlies before them. So at least he wont go hungry, but it pained my heart. You see I have a baby just like him at home. And even for a split second, I couldn’t imagine my child in that position…it would tear my heart to conjure up that image….i did what I usually do, I prayed to God. I am no activist… mostly I say a prayer and walk away..

So whats in a prayer you ask? Well, it’s a question of faith. And no I am not deeply religious..i identify all the festivals in my religion by the dish that gets made for it..so that’s me.

But I do believe in God of some sort. Who will listen to my prayer and answer it. So my friend at office was upset about her friend who had met a big accident and a possibility that she may not walk again..fractures in leg and all. And she was upset about it..and I told her what I had mentioned here…I deal with that pain by applying a bit of hope. I keep immense faith in God and plead to my God that my prayers be answered..and guess what I have immense faith that It will be answered. So I told her, have faith and write Sri Rama Jayam..108 times everyday till she is alright and she will be alright.

Guess what, the girl is alright and will hopefully walk in another 2 months. Is this the power of Sri Rama Jayam? Am I asking you to convert to hindusim and write Sri Rama Jayam? Far from that….you see it is the power of faith..faith on anything..faith is “the” most powerful thing in the world… Like Paulo Coelho wisely said much before me…

When you want something badly enough, the universe conspires to get you that…

So faith in anything you do, faith that it will make a difference, and doing something..really works..

So all random topics covered, how can I leave out my adorable son? He is one little cutie..my fears of him not having teeth at all have been laid to rest, he has 8 of them now at 18 months… and more are on the way. He speaks two words together, like say “Phone Thaa”, “Tea tha”, yes my son drinks tea…I am working hard to get him to speak English..i say water and my MIL says “theertham” so he can stay tuned to our customs….Little guy is picking up bits of everything.

Sriram is just the little devil, he always was…lovable little devil at that. As always cuddling upto me, his chithi..

Things are good…how can I forget this?? My husband has completed his part time MBA and had come first..i will be going for the convocation with the entire family… am so looking forward to that…

So all you people, Take care….

Random Updates

I have a big weakness or Is it a gift?? I talk dime a dozen. I listen too…but I talk more, you get the picture. I worry if I am boring. Do any of you worry that way?
It’s just fine between me and the husband because he doesn’t talk much and I talk a lot, so there is a balance. And he loves me, so he wouldn’t find most of what I say boring and I listen a little longer when it is him talking. But not all are like that no?

I just realized that music makes me happy. I never thought I was a music person. But music does make me happy. I love the sound you know. Silence can be sometimes so uncomfortable. I like silence too , when I am too happy to want external influences or with someone very special say my husband, my child, Sriram….i love the bonding that silence can bring then…but when I am not in that much of a high spirit, music please anytime,……

Talking about Sriram, I love the little guy to bits and love the way he adores me. Even my own son doesn’t adore me that way. Kutti Sriram will look at me and say “vidya chthi kannu azhagaa irukku”.I would hold his hands and walk with him and he would lean and kiss my hands, suddenly and say “Vithya Chithi rumba pidikkum” . I love the expressiveness. We all exhibit our affection to kids… why cant we continue demonstrating our affection.
Sriram has started playschool BTW.

My own kutti Sanjay it well past the 6 months mark. Time flies by …. Sometimes when I think back I get tears of joy. When I look at little baby like Sanju, I wonder how innocent they are and think how there couldn’t be a better representation of God other than Children. As far as Sanju is concerned, He is moving around on the floor and tries to grab everything and put it in his mouth.

I now go to work in my bike. Yes my own bike, bought with my own hard earned money. I am yet to get that used to driving in traffic but it is ok…
SO there you go…updates from me.

Milestones,birth story and all..

I have been real busy. Its hard to find time to blog at all. I have to squeeze the little time. No i am not super busy but lazy. My life moves around in slow motion, so i am left with little time. The little did catch the dreaded cold and ended up gaining no weight the whole of last month. And now, i have mild cold and my little fellow has contracted it from me andis coughing.
:(

There is so much to say but so little time basically because blogs are blocked in office...hope everyone gets it..the only place where i am free is office.

MY little fellow is six months old and is moving around on the floor. Time flies by. And Sriram has started play school already..

I wanted to put down the birth-of-my-son story here before i forget it, but it is a long story and i need some time for it. Lets just say it wasn't particularly pleasant. We tried all day for normal delivery but ended up with C-Section at 6:30 PM. I remember the moment i set my eyes on my child. Just after they pulled him out, the doctor removed my eye pad and showed me my son. I didnt try to see if it was a boy or girl..it just didnt matter to me. Even before they could show me the baby, i heard the baby's first cry. The emotions i felt at that time cant be put down in words...and then when they showed him to me..it didn bother me whether it was a he/she..it was letting that moment sink in, i saw him crying and saw the uncut umblical cord start at his belly button and go down to the table where i lay...and then i began to cry for joy ...i must cried a good 15 mins..no word can do that feeling justice...a baby was something i wanted all my life and here he was....

Time rushed away and here i am , mother to my little fellow at six months...it s been a journey of joy, tears,guilt, fear and an amalgam of emotions, but me and Sanju paapa are progressing along fine ...
:)

Pregnancy Update and other sundry information...

Pregnancy update again. I have completed 7 months and am now into eight month. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me. 5th month I gained 4 Kgs which freaked out my doctor and I tried not to gainand ended up with a reduction in hemoglobin count, and so I began to eat properly and thank God , my hemoglobin count is now good. And I don’t have sugar(gestational diabetes). On the flip side, Ithink I am going to hear from the doc about my weight…..

Anyways, so far so good. I can feel little Paappu move within me pretty nicely and others can feel as well as see it once in a while when the baby moves really lots…its nice

There’s not much nausea, but I feel tired in the mornings and wish I didn’t have to get out and could just sleep. Once I am in office I feel better, traveling leaves me a bit tired.

I have two more months to go and there would be a baby. Overwhelming!!!

I think I have become majorly calm during the pregnancy, contrary to what people generally say, all that about emotional upheaval during pregnancy..i seem to have suddenly developed an ability to overlook the little things in life….they don’t irk me that much….seriously.

Good thing, totally not related to pregnancy, I cleared the SCJP exam. I hope to get one more certification before I resume work after the baby. I just want to make sure I am employable and always in a position to provide for my baby and all my loved ones.

Sriram speaks so much these days. It is such a pleasure to listen to him repeat words after the grown-ups, whether he gets the meaning or not. He can identify my voice over the phone and immediately says “Vidhya Chithi” or shortens it to “Vithi”. If you ask him to sing, he will go “AaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaa……” so sweetly….

Life is good so far. Nothing great happening on the career front, which irks me a bit, much as I try not to let the little things irk me…anyways priority no.1 is the baby and hearing and feeling that the bay is good fixes all the wrongs

My Seemantham got over and now my hands speak a language of jingle-jangle with every movement. The seemantham went well…well attended and I had fun as always except when I had to sit on the floor and my legs hurt like crazy..i was afraid to get and walk off,worried what some people might say…welcome to the tough life of a woman!!!!

I am now officially allowed to think of names for the baby..people out there, you are welcome to give your suggestions..i don’t know if it is a baby girl or a baby boy..so both names welcome please… However, I have thought of a baby girl name. Popular opinions of all maamis who attended my seemantham is that I am going to have a boy…but I have thought of a girl baby name …I really like that name…so Gods of numerology and popular opinion permiting and me having a girl, i would call my girl baby with my secret favourite name….i need to think up a lot more names though…I haven't yet thought of a boy baby name, did come across some that i liked but nothing that captured my fancy.

I am showing pretty well now. So even ladies hold the door for me and i get seat in train. It isn't always that sweet as sometimes people dont really bother. I can stand fro someime so it doesn't matter. But everytime someone does something because i am pregnant i feel real nice. It feels like a privilege.

So thats my pregnancy update...

Mrs. Mom

I sit here, bored and my phone rings. The voice of a toddler fills it with its loudness.
“Chithi..va ..va”
Little Sriram has learnt to speak so much. It is such a pleasure.
J

Finally, it is safe to tell the whole world that I am expecting, now that I am almost done with my first trimester.
I always liked kids. Always..and it was a great joy to know that I would be a mother soon. I have almost been a mother to Sriram. I have known him from the tiny movements that I felt when I placed my palm on my sister’s very pregnant tummy, and I marveled at Life…

So what was first trimester like? I doubt if I am pregnant at all for I don’t feel any different. I felt very hungry and nauseous if I didn’t eat. But all I had to do to fix it was to eat. And now , even that has gone. So am pretty OK, expect for every little ache scaring me crazy.

Each visit to the doctor has me asking just one question, “Is the baby OK?” like I couldn’t care for anymore..any pain is OK as long as the little one is fine.

The first time seeing the baby in ultra-sound, and getting the image in the scan report, was amazing…

Am yet to really feel pregnant..but each little change makes me go wow.

Updates from me

What is bliss?Being paid salary to be in training
whats even greater bliss? training getting cancelled
whats still greater bliss? Not having any other work...
gives me a lot of time to use free internet!
:)

Updates from me..it has been one month being the mrs.
Life does change a bit. but it is nice..on days when i have nothing else to do, i think back about the little changes and smile.
while i prepare the night's milk for family, i think back on the days before marriage when i used to come home and slump on the bed and my mom would give me a glass of warm milk...today i do that for the others...Do i miss mom? i certainly do...but being in the same city helps, i visit them when i want
:)

Sriram fell sick with dysentry. I felt really bad and began to write "Sri Rama Jayam". He was hospitalised for three days.That got us all worried. he is fine now though he has lost a lot of weight. He has just about begun to call me "Chithi", and that is music to my ears.
:)

I read a lot of blogs while i was away from blogging and am waiting to get my hands on HP-7. I heard the story from a friend, so am ok with the wait....

And despite blogging for 2+ years , i realise that i am still a "Pen and Paper" person, that i can pour out my emotions mmore easily on paper than i can with the key - board.....
I still don't listen when someone teaches and drift away into my own world and begin my notebook scribbles.. and just keep writing...and smile at the end of it all
:)

May be that's why i reallly don't express all that well here on the blog....while my note books still spill out with my scribbles....

Anyways, this blog is never to be shut down, thats for sure
:)

SO what happened all along?
Well, I turned 24
My blog turned 2!! Wow two years of blogging

And , I met with an accident.

May 15th is my birthday and 19th is my star birthday.
May 19th also happened to be the day when there was this function at my realtive’s house. So there I was at my periappa’s house. I took my cousin’s kid to a shop nearby and bought all the chocolates he really likes. He was one happy kid that day!

And then I walked to sis’s house to baby-sit Sriram, so she can get some work done.

So it was around 11:30 in the afternoon, when I walked out to go to office.
Yes, Office on saturday!!!!!

I was crossing the road cursing the sun and wishing I had left earlier.
Meanwhile guilt was eating me up
I was going to office despite having some personal work because this other colleague was coming and I would feel bad if I let him do all the work, but I was really wishing I had stayed home.

I spent more than the time I planned at sis’s home because she was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake her. And so I got late…

So anyways, I was about to cross the road when I saw this vehicle approaching me. That was so scary. I stood where I was because I was real scared. I wished he wouldn’t hit me.
But that’s what happened.

Next minute, I was on the road. And I saw him and vehicle slowly skidding and falling.hmmm….

I was praying that nothing should happen to him. Nothing did. The fellow got up and started blaming me. It was he who came fast , not me. I didn’t move because I thought if I moved I would confuse him and he might end up hitting me. Yet the fellow hit me.

The left hand pained. But I let that be. I would feel guilty if I didn’t go to office. So I went my way, only to realize on reaching office that I couldn’t lift my left hand to comb my hair and tie it.

L

So then I went back home and then to hospital to get my hand x-rayed and into a cast. The initial days,it was very painful. Slowly the pain reduced and now am as good as new

The plus here- I took almost two weeks off.
Minus – guilt of not coming to work at a very crucial time.
I did come one day in between but went home soon. I was scared, what with wedding just a month away.

So there I am. Back to normal life.
I enjoyed my vacation. And am cribbing away at work, but content at the same time in a strange sort of way. I had come one day in between because I felt guilty at letting a colleague of mine do all the work. There was extra pressure of deadline too. Yet when I come back , I see appreciation for another person and surprise, I am not included. I feel bad, but carry on, because that’s me…..

That’s me, a bundle of contradictions to use a cliché.

I carry on to do things just to silence my ever guilty-conscience. So its ok that colleague of mine didn’t realize that I came one day just to help her out. Though I did rush back after completing what I thought was required of me.


I know I shouldn’t be blogging about work right.
But I need an outlet and sorry, this is my blog, right? And am not bad mouthing anyone.

So there goes.
My little update on my blog.

Little sriram walks and runs a lot these days. he is slowly becoming a tiny little person with his own individuality.

Am spending the last month before marriage here in my parent’s house. It isn’t sinking in me yet. There is still some teeny-weeny shopping for wedding left.

I need to change my attitude , I know. Totally off the mark, but I so totally need to remind myself that.

And I saw some movies while I was on my leave. What would I do with one arm in a cast???
I saw the two pirates of the Caribbean and loved them
Saw spidey-3 in thiruttu dvd. Come and arrest me and I won’t tell you that my neighbour gave them to me
:)
So there I am, my dear reader. I know there’s just one of you left.i hope to come back more often here
:)
Have fun and smile away like I am trying to now!

Happy Birthday to Sriram!

It's been a year
- Since i held little sriram in my hands for the first time ever and he looked with his beautiful eyes wide open and put exactly four tiny fingers into his mouth

- Since my sister asked me how it would be for someone to call me "Chithi"
Little Cheemu is yet to call me Chithi. he just babbles now

- Since that night at exactly 11:19 in the night we got a call from the hospital
and we all rushed to see littel Cheemu

Little Sriram turns one tommorow.
Happy B'day Cheemu