from my heart......

Perspective

2012-01-30T16:40:00.000+05:30

Like all things that I end up buying, this was unnecessary. But I still bought myself a pair of slippers/sandals (excuse my lack of knowledge of fashion lexicon), while my eyes were looking through the store to find a pair for my mom. My mom and I, we both have large feet, India size 9. So it is a little hard to find footwear for us, and fashionable ones that.

So I was happy and all that , that I found something suitable and feminine and reasonably priced for my LARGE FEET.

When my sister had come down to my mother's place and I visited her, I convinced her to buy a pair. She probably doesn't need one now, what with the fact that her feet will swell up soon enough thanks to pregnancy, but who can resist a good pair of beautiful footwear.

And so we were done with the purchase. The salesman, using his well practiced salesman technique, inquires if I need a pair too. I am still not wearing precious new footwear and walking around in old ones.

I smile at him and look into his eyes and tell him, "Well I just bought the same pair from you a day back".

And he smiled back in recognition and said - "Oh Yes! When you walked in, I thought that the footwear looked familiar"

Inquisitive!

2012-01-18T10:12:00.000+05:30

There is so much one can learn from children. EverydaySanjay asks me at least one question, the answer to which I do not know. It iseye-opening, literally to see the world through a child’s eye. Fills me withwonder. And also makes me wonder, when did I stop questioning and start accepting?

Day before yesterday , Sanjay asked me – Why do dogs havetails? Apart from wagging I couldn’t think of any other purpose. So I told himthat I will find out more and tell him. Apparently dogs use theirtails as a rudder while swimming. I found at least ten other uses for the tail.

Yesterday, he asked me – Why is fire hot? My first reactionwas to see if he had hurt himself. Thankfully no. He had just kept his hand inthe vicinity of fire to feel the heat. Of course, I told him without admonishing him, to not get too close to fire. I didn’t know the answer and wasjust googling it.Did you know - "Fire is the result of a chemical reaction (oxidation) which releases energy stored in chemical bonds. This released energy is the "heat" you feel."

I had never questioned why fire is hot. I just accepted it.I will go home and explain to Sanju. It is beautiful to learn from a child. Asthey say, the child is indeed the father of man.

Happy Pongal

2012-01-15T08:25:00.000+05:30

A proposal for Sanjay

2012-01-13T15:44:00.004+05:30

Today, Sanjay received his first proposal. Yes you read thatright!

Sanjay is good friends with the little girl next door. Thisgirl, M, is a year younger than Sanjaybut she is real smart. Everyday they spend time playing and if their mothersare busy, they stand (she in her balcony and he in the stairs facing her house)and talk.

Today was yet another day. M had just woken up and stands atthe balcony. Sanjay has had his bath and breakfast and I am chasing him to gethim to wear his uniform. M shouts out to Sanjay.

“Sanjay”, she says.

“I Love you Sanjay!”

I think I am hallucinating, but everyone around me,including M’s mother is shocked. So yes, the words were spoken by the 3 yearold girl to the 4 year old boy. And this was the first ever proposal receivedby Sanjay.

Time

2012-01-09T16:12:00.003+05:30

As the tales of all writers, and my conscience pricks me toimmediately add, wannabe writers, go, every story has a seed in some real lifeinstances. Some become stories and some, well, in a non-imaginative day; theyjust become accounts, to be reflected back on, someday, and somewhere. And asany wannabe writer trying to avoid writer’s block will tell you, one is alwayssearching for that real inspiration, not mundane instances in one’s ordinary life.

Yesterday was yet another ordinary day. What you did onweekend, people ask. Well, us, we like to spend all the time at home, attendinghouse-hold chores, lazing around, indulging in pointless talk, sitting withempty plates, long after lunch and dinner, and just talking. And just once in awhile, someone drops in, a sudden guest, before you could call your simplisticlife boring.

And yesterday, it was a college-mate, not a friend, but, husband’sfriend. Should I mention that the husband and I were classmates and are nowhouse-mates.? JThe husband mentions him and I travel back in time, yes, nostalgia is almost ahobby now. This friend, A, was unique, one of a kind. Any day that he wasabsent, was a boring day. He was a trouble maker, yes, but students were alwaysfond of him. He was a back bencher, and a nightmare to many a professor. Myhusband and I still recall some of the funny things he did back in college andlaugh like it was just the minute before. I remember he came to my house once,a day before an exam to ask me to tear out some papers from my text book, so hecould Xerox it. He almost bullied me into doing it. I wonder if he ever fearedanyone. Anyone at all. He was flamboyant. He would give roses to random girlsand yet he was not a flirt. Everyone said he was a good friend with a goodheart. I only observed him from a distance, and was always driven bycuriousness over his uniqueness.

We were so different. He stood out and he liked it. I triedhard to blend in. If I could, I would have dissolved in to the crowd that wasthe classroom. Attention made me blush. I liked the sidelines, went to themlike steel to magnet.

I was upstairs, getting dinner ready, when my husband rushesin and tells me, he’s here. I walk in expecting him to be same, the same way I rememberedhim from college. I see him and smile and start talking. And in his shyness, I seea totally different person. It’s like we have swapped characters. No, I couldnever be him from college. But he has become a minor version of me fromcollege. It doesn’t occur to me till he leaves that he has spoken only twice tome, and only four times in general. We had good conversation with his wife andhis kid and Sanjay got along very well.

They leave, and I want to go and continue dinner. But I standstill and think to myself- What had time done to him?

What has time done to me? What has time done to you?

New year rants

2012-01-04T14:15:00.002+05:30

So another year. The blessing of time.. J

As much as I would like to be happy and optimistic, somethings bother me

My father has been suffering from stomachache for some time now. We have tried different medicines and differentdoctors. Everything works for a week and then he is back to pain. Worst thingis that he doesn’t have faith that he will get back to normalcy. But as always,we are there by his side, listening to him, comforting him, giving him hope andtaking good care of him. The medicine that he is taking currently is helpinghim. I pray that he is fit and fine as always. I haven’t known him any otherway. He always had a spring in his step and an optimistic outlook. It hurts tosee him sad. He is in my sister’s house now and should be diverted enough tonot dwell on his health problems. And hopefully 2012 will cure him completely, andthis will just be a passing cloud.

Sanjay – we discovered that he has 5cavities. A little something in my heart burst on hearing this. We got onefilled yesterday and will follow up to get the others filled. This when I haven’tever given him a bottle, and been brushing his teeth twice a day everyday fortwo years. But he has a sweet tooth and one that we indulge. No more chocolatesor sweets for him. Sigh! Almost feel like a failure. Why my child? And allthat.. but well, I have to take care that there are no more cavities.

There you go, my major concerns. And then, there’s hair lossthat I seem to be suffering from. I was complaining about it to my husband,when he tells me that if I stop making fun of him, my hair fall problem wouldcease to exist. (I always make fun of him saying that he will go bald in fiveyears. I have been doing this for about six years and no, he’s not bald, noteven this close to bald..) Hmmm… Ican see the strains of nearing 30 on me. This May I will only be 29. It’s2013 that will worry me. Till then… I wouldn’t fret that much I guess.

And the MIL has been having issues adjusting to her newdentures. It is quite sad to see someone in pain. But hopefully it will settle-inin sometime.

And this brings me to something I feel strongly about – the advantagesof Joint family system. I live with my in-laws. My parents live 4 KMs away fromme. We are always there for each other. The fact that there are others to shareand care means so much. Yes, there is some loss of privacy, and sometimes, youmight feel like your life is being run by your parents, this when you arenearing 30. (At times I stop to think if Sanjay would feel like his life isbeing run by me, but then he is not yet four!!) But the advantages far outweighthe disadvantages.

2011 Round up!

2011-12-30T11:12:00.000+05:30

Happy New Year to All!!!!

Analysis of the year gone by:
1. I made my first ever jobshift.Very clumsily executed. And a good lesson learnt. I had three interviews that were major disappointments, and then I got the offer where I am currently working. I faced my fears, and that was a good thing. Coming to clumsy execution, I told the new place that I can join in a month. The previous place wouldn't hear of it. So I had to give a personal reason to get out.

2. Managed not to gain too much weight. Phew! I might have gained 1-2 kgs. The pair of jeans that fit me right before I lost a lot of weight are now loose around the waist, as they were a year back. So I haven't gained all that much. Phew again!

3. Year of much sickness. Typhoid, cold many many times.... Learning to not ignore my health and to listen to elders on what to do and what not to do

4. Still stay in touch with all the friends that matter. Got on facebook just a week back. Did some good deeds that warmed my heart.

5. Took career seriously. Made use of free time to brush up my skills,

6. I am going to become chithi all over again. My sister is expecting her second one. She is just about to complete the first trimester. Makes me ponder on adding to my brood too. But that's for later. I think sis is going to have a girl and I might just share that favorite girl name (which i had thought of, before Sanjay was born and then we had to think up of boy names) with her. Or I might just save it... who knows ;)

7. As happy and as optimistic and as foolish as ever!!! I couldn't ask for more....

Things to do in the New Year:

1. Work on being a better person.
2. Attend at least one interview, to judge myself. I like where i work now and won't shift for a while.
3. Complete one certification.
4. Lose 5 Kgs.

PS: Inspired by this

Good Bye!

2011-12-27T12:17:00.002+05:30

He sat there rolling chapatti dough into tiny balls.

Inanother time not so long back, she would sit near him and turn those balls intocircular chapattis. He wouldn't have rolled 10 balls, and she would ask him togo rest, for his hands might hurt.

Was thisa budding romance? No, they have been married for a decade.

Howthings change when you least expect them to? Love alone wasn’t enough to killthose misbehaving cells.

He satthere, frozen in time, unable to say Good-bye!

PS: Iwrote this for the 88 word challenge at the Writer's club in office.

Dedicatedto maami who loved maama a lot, and to maama for still holding on to herlove.

PPS: Notto spoil the cheer of the season. I couldn't come up with anything else for thetopic - Good bye! One of the members had a joyous take on Good bye. He hadwritten about Marriage- Good bye to bachelorhood.

Anyways,Season's Greetings to all the visitors and readers of my blog. May you getwhatever your heart desires. May your eyes see all the Joy surrounding you!Happy New Year!

Love

2011-12-22T13:06:00.001+05:30

Shruthi has been yelling at Ram all through their shortjourney. She sat behind him, holding onto the side bar for grip, careful not totouch him, her decibel level increasing with every additional meter covered.For the 60 minutes since, he hasn’t spoken, anger choking his words. And shehasn’t kept quiet.

Momentary silence. She wonders if it’s the three year itch.

There is a speed breaker and the vehicle suddenly jumps andlands again on the road.

“Ah” she says tying not to shout.

“Are you alright?” – he asks instinctively, breaking hishour long silence.

Prayer

2011-12-05T12:52:00.001+05:30

It was like time travel written about in Science fictionbooks. Here she was in her present, sitting calmly. And suddenly the worldaround her begins to spin. And suddenly it’s as if she is herself, from a fewyears ago. Everything’s the same and yet everything is so different.

She is young and naive. No tinge of cynicism hues herthoughts. She visits this very temple everyday at the same specific time. Andshe prays for the same two things fiercely. She could never leave the others,the world.They were always there in her prayers, added as if in conclusion. But the two things that seemedto matter the most, was what her lips repeatedly muttered with generoussprinkling of pleases. Please God! Please God! There was so much pleading inher inner voice that those who didn’t look into her eyes would never know.There’s no point going into what she wanted. At that stage of her life, it waswhat she desperately wanted. She did all she could in her might. But she couldn’tinfluence other people’s minds. Her faith could do that. God could do that.

It was so real that she pinches herself to bring herself tothe present. Tears coat her eyes. She can’t believe that whatever she haddesperately prayed for, God had given her. Yet for so many years, in so manyplaces of worship and non-worship, this had never occurred to her. Every stagein life brings its own needs and its own prayers.

But this once, just this once, when she was all by herself,with her thoughts, and the history of the place, all she felt was contentment.There was nothing more to ask. Thanks! – Her lips muttered, as she closed hereyes in Prayer.

Random

2011-11-30T10:28:00.001+05:30

Random bullet-point events from the recent past:

Recently a colleague of mine asked me how many monthsI have been married. And this was during lunch. Everyone at the table startedlaughing, because I am just not that young. I think the colleague realized andshe asked me, do you have a baby? Well, no I have a school going son. “But youdon’t look that old!” For the rest of the day, I was floating!Well, till I got stuck with work till 10PM. And then I forgot to do something and the next day morning I heard the goodnews about things not working, so am back at office. Status: Work is inprogress
Yesterday we were at my husband’s cousin’swedding. My husband wore a new formal shirt which looked real nice on him. Alittle boy commented that my husband looks like the bride-groom. I think thatmade the rest of my husband’s evening.
We had lots of time to kill yesterday. And I tookSanju out with me to shop simply because the Wedding hall was pretty close tothe shopping hub of Chennai. I had promised Sanju a toy. And before taking himto the Toys section, I was simply looking at the handbags on display. And thenSanjay tells me – “You already have a handbag. Why are you looking at these?” –already!!
I love weddings. They are always fun. I lovewearing the lovely heavy silk sarees. When else do I get to wear them? I alsoget to simply sit around and eat and watch random people. This once I was notchasing Sanjay. He found playmates and kept himself busy. Not to forget,listening in on interesting conversations, apart from making mundane onesmyself!

Love is strange

2011-11-26T22:39:00.001+05:30

Blindness

Love is strange,

In that you know,

That it is a fault,

That you see,

In somebody you love.

Yet, let someone else

Point it out,

And your blood boils,

Like there never was,

Any fault at all.

In Absence

Love is strange

In that I learn to get by

Without you,

Not noticing the void

Left behind by your absence

Life is beautiful

There’s so much

To do, to look forward to.

And then you call me,

Reminding of the sweetness

Of your voice,

And the fact that,

You are not nearby,

Where my arms can reach,

To touch you..

And suddenly,

life seems a big void!

Hope

Love is strange

In that it hurts..

All kinds of love,

Motherly love,

Romantic love,

All kinds of love

Yet, there is hope,

In that it wouldn’t

hurt so bad,

If there were’t

so much concern

And it must have hurt

On the other side too

And then there is a smile

That love flows freely..

Between the two sides

That love is hope

And hope is love

Love lost

Love is strange

That the love for someone

Who leaves you and the world

Makes you feel responsible

For all the others

And in all of them

You see the one

You loved so much..

Forgiving love

Love is strange

That even when

Someone you love

Is unreasonable to you

You still pull over the blanket

Over that exposed toe,

On those cold nights

When one generally deeps sleep

Foolish Love

Love is strange

In that the heart

Doesn’t change it’s ways

The world calls your honesty,

Naivette

And all your principles,

Foolishness.

You put on the clothes

Of a cynic,

To get by..

But deep within,

You are that,

Naive foolish heart

That no matter

What happens,

Love always triumphs

For you..

And never hate.

For love is your life breath,

More than that,

Love is life

And life is love!

Shy love

Love is strange

That where it is

The most deep rooted,

The most established..

It still fights shy,

To sprout out that single leaf,

To prove its existence.

PS: On love - All kinds of love.

Random

2011-11-22T14:38:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I think to myself, that it is very difficult tokeep my mouth empty. It is either filled with food or words. And since I am alittle conscious of not becoming obese (key word being obese, as I am alreadyfat), I avoid eating food all the time and mostly you would find me talking andbothering my cubicle mates at work. All this if something interesting is nothappening. In the rare event of something interesting happening at work or atlife, you can find my mouth shut. But that is rare.

I recently got an award at work. Yay to that! But it was notfor work per se. It was the designing work that I do for the team that takescare of in-house celebrations. I design email and posters for them. And I wasgiven the Golden star award. It was like an award ceremony. We had an MC, wehad a DJ playing situational music. We had lights shining on us. We had thebig-shots at work there to present us the awards. We even had a little noteabout each one of us read out. Mine said that I could design a mail in 15minutes and that I am also a part of the writer’s club here. I felt so proudand so very happy. I went home to Sanjay. And he immediately took the trophyand asked me if I have got it for him, as he has been going to school regularly(Touch Wood). Yes, I said. He raised it over his head. I didn’t have a camerathen to take a picture, but it was so cute. I had been intending to put in apicture here but never got around to clicking one.

This weekend we went to a restaurant along with my sister’sfamily. We had to wait for close to 45 minutes for food to appear. And inbetween waiting, Sriram said this – Even my mom doesn’t take so long. It was fun!

Yeah! And after all that saint like talk in the previouspost, I am now getting angry very often. Well! At least I am honest! Phew!!Aftermaintaining calm over a period of time, I tend to get provoked. Looks likeemotions can’t lay dormant for too long. But I must learn to control my anger.Period. But I don't easily hate. There are times I lose my cool and shout like a mad woman. But that's it. And that's something I must learn to stop doing.

When it hurts..... What do you do?

2011-11-17T15:25:00.001+05:30

Life's sailing along smoothly. It is bound to if you havesuddenly moved to your mother's house. The husband is out of station and so isthe MIL, so I moved. I am enjoying this little vacation by sleeping a littlelonger and not doing any work at home. In fact I am even going to get a haircuttoday evening. And lack of purpose is preventing me from shopping. I will goback on Saturday when everyone is back.

After a month’s time, I am eating out. We went for teamlunch to one of the good restaurants in town and I threw caution out the windowand gorged. I am eating fried stuff for the first time in a month. The lasttime I went out, I stuck to curd rice and ice cream, but not today. Hopefully, Iwill still be fine. All the rules were for a month and I am just days away froma month since I had typhoid.

A few days back, I was discussing with my sister on the hurtone feels when a loved one says something rude/harsh/hurting. What do you do?

I have my own way of dealing with it. At first I learn mylesson. The hurt teaches me that I would never hurt another person in the sameway. Even if that person is a little person like my son. I learn to measure mywords, that even if I don’t mean them, once they are out of my mouth, I reallyhave no control on them, and they could hurt another person real bad.

Of course, it hurts when rude hurting words come from thoseyou love. Why? Because you care. You could reciprocate and make things worser.Or you could just withdraw and let time heal your wounds. There are things todo and time flies by, and by the end of the day, you may not be as angry as youwere when things started out. That’s what I do. I just keep my mouth shut. Infact, the anger prevents me from having normal conversation with the person inquestion, but that’s better than hurting them right back.

And when the hurt no longer lurks around my heart, I think of allthe wonderful things that person has done for me. And each person has given meat least one lasting memory of their good deeds for me. I will never forget theway my MIL took care of me when I was pregnant and now, down with Typhoid. Iwill never forget the way my mother cared for me when I just gave birth toSanjay. I will never forget my Dad putting me over his own self respect. I willnever forget my sister waking me up, so I could study, the night before myinterview for my first job. I will never forget my sister crying for me, when Iwas sad for some other thing, even on her day of joy. I will never forget thatmy FIL bought nuts and Mother’s horlicks and all other things when I waspregnant. My husband doesn’t give me many opportunities to be angry with him,but if ever I do, I have so many wonderful memories to think back on. I willnever forget the way he took care of me for four days that I was in hospitalright after Sanju was born. It pained and I couldn’t turn. He would lift me upand help me turn. When I am calm, and think of all the love I have received, I don’tsee the need to be angry anymore. And if something still bothers me, I wouldhave a meaningful conversation with the person in concern to sort things out.

Well, with some people, conversations are never useful. ThenI just forgive them. That’s all!

In life, I have learnt one thing – Hate is an emotion whichcalls for huge investment. When there are so many positive things to be focused on, wekeep telling our minds and hearts to go back to one negative incident, whichtime might otherwise wipe away and keep telling ourselves to hate.

Like they say – Forgive the person. Don’t forget the lesson!

In Like with it

2011-11-10T16:25:00.001+05:30

I dont know if I am in love with my job. I spend a lot of time browsing, writng and what not. I try to squeeze in some reading,job-related reading. And after all that, I do some work.

So I get an issue to solve, something to fix, and I work on it for a few days- Reading up on the net for possible solutions to make up for me not being technical geek, closing my eyes and thinking up solutions, putting pen on paper and listing the problems and possible solutions, looking through existing code to see if this has been handled. And at the end of it all, I hit upon a decent solution.I try it out and test it. There are still some loopholes and I fix them one by one. And then finally, I get my code reviewed and the reviewer says it is alright.

And then I feel this sense of accomplishment. There is just one word to describe this joy - accomplishment.

And I think to myself, I may not actually hate my job. I might be in like with it. :)

PS: Like with it - Inspired by the song in 27 Dresses. :)

Wishes

2011-11-10T12:45:00.001+05:30

If God came down on earth, appeared before me and gave meone Wish.. (Now why would he do that? Honestly, I don’t know.. but humor me andimagine along), I would be mighty confused.. more confused than I was at anypoint in my life. I am pretty much confused all the time. So that says a lot .

But on deeper thought, I would say this - I want the futureof all the people I love to be secured – financially, emotionally.

I have many fears. First among them, fear of darkness. Istill haven’t spent a night at a home all by myself. Thankfully, when I went toUS, I had an apartment-mate.

Fear of tire puncture – When I am driving, I fear if the tirehas been punctured. I sometimes stop in the middle of my journey and check ifthe back wheel has sufficient air. Once when I was in school, I was drivingback in my Kinetic Honda from tuition classes in main road, when suddenly theback wheel did a dance that would put Shakira to shame. Thankfully, I wasn’t speedingand had the sense to go to the corner of the road and stop to realize that thetire was flat. Phew!

And the most predominant fear – fear of poverty. I have noreason to fear. I am educated, hard-working. But still it is a fear in the backside of my mind. I see all these poor people on the roads and shiver at theprospect of being like them. Of course, I pity them. That is the only reason I handout change to the beggars. Agreed, I have done nothing to help them. The only thingI do is not bargain. I buy things from the small shops, pavement sellers at therate they quote, I don’t bargain with auto drivers. Basically I don’t bargain.I know inflation hits everyone. And this is all that I am willing to do. I amcertainly not on the way to becoming a Saint. I am still an ordinary girl whodreams of branded bags seen on fashion blogs. I could afford one, may be. Butthere’s no way I am putting my money on those. Rs.500 on a handbag any day forme. Not a paisa more!

So that is the explanation for my wish. My one wish!

But if I could have two wishes, the second would be this – Iwant to travel around the world!

Some people are so content at home. I am always amazed bythat. They have spent all their lives in just one place. They need not wallowin self-pity. But they have no desire to travel at all and that is what amazesme. Well, to each his own. But I have this desire to travel, to see manyplaces, to experience different cuisines, different cultures,meet differentpeople…Sigh!

In India, I have only been to Kerala and Maharashtra. And I havetravelled just once outside India to US. And while I was in US, I didn’t stepout of Minnesota. In fact, I didn’t step out of Woodbury/Minneapolis/St.Paul.One of my colleagues made a trip to New York while we were there. But me, I wasbusy saving Dollars and doing mathematics to convert it into Rupees, so I couldcome back and contribute to home loan. Sigh! I could have travelled. But I didn’tget the heart to do it. I mean, here I was, away from family, away from child.I should make it useful. So I walked and lost some weight and (not related to walking!)savedsome money from the daily allowance that I got. But I had fun nevertheless. Itasted most of the vegetarian cuisine that the place I stayed in had to offer.I travelled to the MN State Fair, alone! I had fun and the travel enthusiast inme was awoken like never before.

In India, I want to see the Taj Mahal. And I want to see snow. I have never seensnow. So yes, if God can take care of wish 1, I am all set for wish 2. I wouldpack up in no time!

On Dealing with Anger

2011-11-09T15:45:00.004+05:30

So she stood there, extremely frustrated, and frustration slowly giving way to anger. In a few minutes though, she would be a different person. She would find a way to laugh over the incident.

She would imagine them switching places, She the boss reprimanding, and him the junior minion, listening with a sorrow face. Or a million other things. Or better still, she could curse him. May he face the same insult as me, or still worser, or some such. Slowly she could get lost in thought, flying over imaginery terrains,the incident lying centuries ago.

Contrast

2011-11-02T21:20:00.001+05:30

Somedays I am sad,
like yesterday,
When I was digging deep,
into my memories,
to unearth sad thoughts.

And then there is today,
Where I am smiling away,
like I have just received,
a very flattering compliment,
on my looks....
Only I haven't, not today,
not yesterday...

And then I wonder,
What is the reason?
I don't have to think hard...
Yesterday you weren't here!

Silence

2011-11-01T16:03:00.001+05:30

I wonder at this
lack of words..
it is like time
as it goes by
is swallowing up my words

I flow along
doing everyday tasks
and it doesn't bother me,
this lack of words,
till I stop to think..

And then a million thoughts abound,
the scariest among them-
is it the slow death of love?
Or can there be such a thing?
It overwhelms me
into silence again..

But there can never be true silence
in the mind, Can it?
And thoughts remind me,
that in some of life's most beautiful moments,
I only had silence and tears for company..

And then I smile,
happy to know,
to be reminded,
That love doesnt need words,
That love doesn't lay rules!

Back on feet.. and running!

2011-10-31T11:36:00.002+05:30

I was out of schedule for two weeks. First week, I was intyphoid hell. Only I didn’t know it was typhoid-hell. I knew it was some kindof hell though. Blood-shot eyes, high temperatures alternating with droppingbody-temperature, followed by shivering, body pain in calf muscle and hands,constant nausea and complete lack of an appetite made sure that I realized I wasin some kind of hell. Good thing, when I finally found enough strength to standup and look at the mirror, I realized, I had actually lost weight. Such isvanity, it made me mildly happy. By the time, my fever and associated symptomswere identified as typhoid, I was actually improving. Or maybe, it was factthat I was taking the right medication. I don’t know. But I was improving.

The second week I was in typhoid-heaven, if you can believe thereis some such thing. The thing is, I had typhoid, yet the symptoms were goingaway one by one. And I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. This was pure bliss. Atthis point in life, I realize, that could be my definition of heaven. I justslept and slept and ate in moderate quantities and took the medicines correctly.By the end of week two, I was fine. Doctor gave me a fitness certificate andSanjay was in my lap.

Now I am back on schedule. I started work last week. Excusethe lack of updates in the blog. I was actually busy at work. Yes, that happenstoo. It is a world full of surprises. I actually worked on Diwali. But Diwaliwas still fun. I wrapped up my work soon and then went home to burstfire-crackers with Sanjay. Now work has eased down a bit.

So am completely back to schedule. Work at office, regularwork at home. Everything. Even shopping. Saturday I actually went to shop inrain. I thought I would be only fool, but there were so many other people inthe shop. Nice! Yesterday was my husband’s birthday, and I bought him a nicesilk shirt. Pure silk shirt and it doesn’t look over the top or anything likethat. Looks very nice, and even more nice with Veshti. So there..

Hope everyone out there had fun Diwali as well!

Break!

2011-10-14T15:09:00.000+05:30

When you are running faster than what your body can catch up, this is bound to happen. My health has been on a little vacation for sometime now. Only today morning, the blood test result came, and I have initial stages of typhoid. Now that the problem has been identified and am taking the right medicines, I am feeling so much better.Compare this to yesterday, when my head was spinning with ideas on what could be wrong with me, knowing is a relief. Blood test ruled out Malaria,double relief. I am staying away from kid.

Anyway, expect a little less activity around here. Once I am fit and fine, which should be in a week, me thinks - regular programming will continue.

And now for the Oscar moment - thanks to my MIL/FIL/Husband for taking good care of me. If love does not heal, i don't know, what else will.....
:)

Template Change

2011-10-11T10:22:00.000+05:30

Changed template yet again... Got a comment(If only you had left your name.. I would have shouted out a Thank you for the feedback!) that my template will end up giving eye problems to the 2 visitors that I have.. made me smile.. a nice start for the day isn't it?

Since i am always open to feedback, here you go? Hopefully, this should be easy on the eye..
That was my only criteria for selection.

Earring

2011-10-07T15:37:00.003+05:30

A shiny new earring -
Greed glistening in her ear-lobes

Tossing and turning,
in synch with her own movements

As she moved around,
not awake, yet unable to sleep..

Light weighted, and delicate,
heavy sleep might crush it..

And so she tossed and turned,
Greed still glistening in her ears!

Eye problem update

2011-10-05T11:09:00.000+05:30

Turns out I don’t have conjunctivitis. I was hoping I couldtake leave on that pretext. Yes, I am still a school kid at heart. But well,here I am. Seems to some sort of an eye infection which cleared up with an eyedrops which my father in law recommended. So now I don’t look like I have criedthe night.

Today is Saraswathi puja/Ayutha puja. This is my mostfavourite festival, not for the food though. That must be Pillayar chathurthi.This is the one day of the whole year, my parents couldn’t ask me to study.Even the thought of that is liberating after all these years. But parents willbe parents. This I say with the authority bestowed upon me on virtue of beingone myself. I remember after giving my SCJP exams, and coming home with 80%. MyMIL told me, that I could have got more marks had I studied harder, this when Iwas 5 months pregnant with Sanjay.

Today my manager gave me chakkavaratti,authentically made from Kerala. I am holding it like a trophy. It is a bottleof memories. We used to make it a long time back, when we got our regular supplyof jackfruit from Kerala. My grandfather was a great foodie. We used to makechakka varatti and ela Adai and all other delicacies. This bottle holds a littlepart of my childhood, and eating it will sure bring back more memories. I can’twait to go home and dig into it.

Continuing on the eye problem

2011-10-04T14:33:00.002+05:30

Ok, so I am in a mood to blog.

I think I am catching conjunctivitis, what is colloquially knownas Madras eye. I call my husband and tell him so.

“Oh no, he says. You broke your sunglasses.”

“How does that relate to my problem?”

“Now I have to keep Sanjay away from you!”

And I sit here wondering: When did I go from the preciouschild to be fussed over to the woman who is a problem when she falls sick…..

On need to Hibernate

2011-10-04T13:57:00.000+05:30

Sleep deprivation is catching up with me. These days I wakeup with swollen eyelids and red eyes like I have been crying for ages. Only,currently, there is no misery in my life. And even if there were one, I am notone to be crying myself silly. I remember when Sanjay had his surgery as a twoyear old, I cried as soon as I gave him to nurse to carry into the operationtheatre. And as soon as I returned to our room, I found a steely reserve fromnowhere, and a strong faith that all will be well. Much as I had worried manynights prior to his surgery, the night before his surgery, I slept well. I hadto, so I could have the strength and alertness to care for him on the day ofthe surgery. I digress.

But coming to the point, I am seriously sleep deprived, and Ineed to hibernate. Yes, hibernate! My small vacation did nothing for me, as I spentall the time engaging Sanjay and getting work done at home. Sanjay still coughsheavily at least once a night, and this has been on for close to two weeks,which explain my sleep deprivation.

But I am used to it. I used to wake up many times in thenight for night time feeding, to make up for the fact that I am not home duringthe day, before Sanjay turned one. Well, I fed him till he was two. And in thesecond year, I woke a little less often but still I woke up to continue thefeeding, at least once each night.

May be all that is catching up with me.

I don’t want people to think that I am having domestic issuesor whatever. I look like I have been crying. Sigh! But am actually happy, butjust actually too tired to even smile, and my attempt is resulting in alopsided smile.

I was just talking to college friend of mine. While incollege, us friends could never get enough of talking. Once in a while, we calleach other up unmindful of the STD call charges and talk about life in general.And she was telling me about how raising kids is one tough business. I couldn’tagree more. I was home for just four days on leave, and I actually got tiredtrying to engage Sanjay, so that he doesn’t sit in front of TV watching hiscartoons. I can do any amount of household work, and find it easier than engaginga child. Matching the energy and creativity of a child and to keep the saidchild engaged is one tough job. I am glad I succeeded to an extent. He didn’t watchTV. Each time he would ask, I would divert him to a new game. But well, I amtired at the end of it. I think that’s what happens if you try playing footballin the afternoon sun…

I leave you there..well, as always talking about it makes mefeel better.. I will catch up with sleep this weekend hopefully. And then myeyes should get back to its beautiful self!

Love of a child

2011-10-03T10:23:00.000+05:30

How huge must your tiny little heart be?
That it could hold so much unadulterated love..
All of five years, you prepare to welcome
your three year old brother,
you shop little treats for him,
and tempting as it might have been for you,
you still choose to wait for your little brother,
so you both can share your little treats…

How at your tender age,
you still teach a grown-up to love..

PS: Dedicated to my nephew Sriram, and to his magnanimityand his loving heart..when he is old enough to read an understood, I would probably show him this.
We were supposed to go spend a few days in my sister’s house. Sanjay fell sickand we never went.
But Sriram was waiting for Sanjay, to come and eat the sweets together…

I took four days off from work, to coincide with Sanjay's school holiday. Nursed him back to health, and now back.. This explains the gap in blogging!

On motherhood on tough days

2011-09-19T15:40:00.001+05:30

I am not technically a mommy blogger, but I am still a mommy. I sit here trying to get some work done at office, and still grappling with the image of my child crying. Why can’t I replace that image with that of his smiling face? Even when I saw him smiling with my own two eyes? Sigh!! I am actually emotionally exhausted, and like all women, I just need to talk I guess.

So today was one of those days, when Sanjay doesn’t want to go to school. And my inner battle begins. Do I just let him stay at home? Do I send him to school?

Only today, the drama unfolded before the school gates. He kept a sad face. But yet he was sweet enough to share with another school boy from Pre KG, his chocolate and sweet enough to ask that boy if he needs water.

A mother knows her child better than anyone else, may be till he grows up old enough to find a soul mate. I saw Sanjay’s face was so unhappy. I went close to him and whispered into his ears,”You don’t want to go to school?” And then he started crying, like he had been holding back his tears all along. Like me.

And then he puked. And then he insisted on not changing into his spare clothes. And then he walked right into school. Man, that was tough! I was so torn, should I have just brought him out? Will this encourage him to cry and avoid school?

And then it was hell for me till I went back to school to pick him up. I was angry with the whole world- One angry young woman on rampage on her bike. Add to that traffic and I was getting late to pick him up. Yes, for this one week and a few days last week, I am dropping him to school, and coming to work and going back to pick him and drop him home and come back to work, and I do manage to get some work done here.

So I walk into school, all anxious and he stands inside his class smiling like an angel and the teacher says nice things about him and even the ayah-ammas say nice things about him, how he is a nice child and very polite and all that.

A word about the ayah-ammas, they do the cleaning in the nursery section and help children with going to bathroom. Life is tough for them. I was chatting up with them today. One lady was telling me ,how being an ayah in nursery section is very difficult. That after all the cleaning, in case children make a mess in the classroom, they don’t even feel like eating. I feel sad for them. But after that she added,” but we think that service to these small children is like service to God”. Thank you Ayah-amma for taking care and helping children like Sanjay.

Being a parent has made me realize how much my mom would have gone through, being a working mother herself. I have a new found respect for her, from the moment when I became a mother, and there she was, taking care of me and my child.

Motherhood is still a wonderful journey, because, after each teeny-weeny trial, you stand there, wondering, how did you become capable of loving another human-being like this…

A Mother's job

2011-09-16T09:47:00.000+05:30

So she tells me, rubbing her eyes gently, as if to massage even the swollen eyelids, “I haven’t been sleeping well for some days now.”

Why, I think to myself, for she seems to have everything. She’s well settled, lives comfortably with her children and grandchildren. What on earth could be driving her sleep away? Only I don’t question, I just listen.

“One day, it was the first son’s accident. A minor one, he had bruises all over. He was shaken…”

“The other day, it was the second son. He has been working hard on his dream. I hope he succeeds. I know he will, yet I fear for him and the uncertainties that life holds…”

“And then my grandchild, I read so many things on the paper, hear news on the TV.. and I start bothering about him.. Till he comes home safe from his school bus…”

And she gets up and walks back into the kitchen. There’s dinner waiting to be made.

What do you do?

2011-09-14T12:35:00.000+05:30

What do you do?
When that well,
into whose depths
disappeared the stones
that were your worries,
suddenly goes dry one day?

Would you hope,
that it would rain some day?
Or would you walk back,
to build your own dam?

Not Enough

2011-09-14T12:13:00.001+05:30

So she thought, loving her husband, treating her in-laws as she would her own parents and loving them the same way, being honest and truthful with everyone in the house, and taking up a good share of house hold work should be a good medicine for breaking her in-laws’ hearts with her love-marriage.
But when it was time to look for a suitable match for her brother-in-law, all her in-laws wanted, was a girl from the same community.

On A Dinner Date

2011-09-07T11:36:00.000+05:30

Pregnancy brought with it, the complete inability to bear hunger, well, at least for her it did. And every minute between the start of the sensation of hunger and food going down her throat, was like going on a merry-go round for her. Not in a fun way, but in a nauseating way. It was a struggle, actually. She just had to find food, for if she made amends late, that would come out as well. And she hated making a mess in public.

And each time she puked in public, there would be different and indifferent reactions. But sometimes, she felt people felt sorry for her, and that was what she hated the most. Well, and such it goes..

One day she was with her husband, going home from work together. And suddenly, she was hungry and instantly all nauseous. She had to eat something right away. She asked him to get her something. And he took her to a hotel and ordered her a good meal, like any well-meaning husband would do.

And like what happens in such cases, there was waiting period for food to appear. And with each passing minute, the churning in her stomach increased, till the stomach knotted and wringed itself. She just had to puke now. “I will be back”, she said and walked out, found a corner and puked. Relief!

What would she tell him? Would she blame him? Would she ask – Why didn’t just buy me some ready to eat stuff right away? Would this be the time, she could pour it all out? How hunger was a constant struggle? How even if she ate expecting hunger in advance, it would still strike her when she least expected it? How travelling was the single most difficult thing to do? How it was all such a change for the girl used to chasing buses and getting in?

All thoughts flushed out like the undigested food, she walked in and let him eat his meal in peace.

Lid

2011-08-30T17:35:00.002+05:30

There are days,
I feel like a pot
brimming, frothing with words
all to be controlled
by the lid of self-doubt

99 words

2011-08-30T16:03:00.002+05:30

All his life, well, her life, he had chosen for her. Him, of insecurities and fears, had resourced great strength from within, and analyzed every nitty-gritty and made every decision along her life’s way. He would hear her too, for he was no tyrant, nor a chauvinist. But he really had to believe it to be a good choice to let her follow it.

Yet somehow, he fostered in her a free spirit. How can you gently hold something in your fist, yet let it free in the world? He held her in his open palm and guided her.

PS: A story with 99 words based on the image. This was a challenge in the Writer's club at office :)

Food!

2011-08-30T10:07:00.000+05:30

Like all people, I am complex too. Though I am optimistic and all that, I am mostly cynical. Yes, I am on the verge of a multiple personality disorder..  Why talk about cynicism? Well, one day before the potluck lunch(organized on the 19th of August in my office, to celebrate Independence day), our manager called our team together and after 30 minutes of discussion, we were at square one. See, there, cynicism proven right. I was cynical about potluck.. who would cook? Why would people go through the whole effort? So I suggested, why don’t we just eat out-go dutch?

But after much thought and contemplation, we decided this – those who bring home food would just bring more of it, and those who regularly eat out would simply buy stuff and bring it. There sealed! There was no unanimous decision on ethnic wear, and after much thought, the team agreed to that as well.

So the task was set. Items were discussed – who would bring what and all that.. everything was in place, including banana and beeda.

My plan was this. I would make chapathis and a side dish. If for some reason, I don’t find the time, I will buy naan and side dish from outside.

Didn’t think cooking would excite me so much. I woke up at 5:30 am on the D day, and first thing I did was to prepare the chapathi dough. Since my cooking results were still unpredictable, the job of making the side-dish was handed over to the MIL.

The real cooking started after son was dropped in school. MIL had completed the side dish(channa and potato) by then and it was really tasty. Now the chapathis. I did them with so much care, that for once, all of them were round in shape. There, done! A sense of accomplishment prevailed over me!

The next big thing was what to wear? I had to wear ethnic wear. I was confused.. which saree do I wear?All the silk cotton sarees were pulled out and much confusion ensued. My MIL stepped in and gave me her brand new silk cotton saree. It was a beautiful shade of pink and I had a matching blouse. I was so excited.

And in all this madness, it dawned on me that sharing was so beautiful. The cynic in me was busy draping a beautiful saree, eating wonderful home made food brought in by colleagues, proudly giving away the chapathis made by me. It was really a lovely day!

Art

2011-08-24T11:00:00.000+05:30

Just to add some colours to this otherwise dull blog....................

Art on Sanjay's feet on the day of his third birthday
also called Nalangu

Art on my MIL's hands.. by yours truly :)

On movies

2011-08-16T15:25:00.001+05:30

Of late, I have been reading up a lot on movies, movie reviews and following it up by watching lots of movies. I am not yet into watching them in DVDs, I just settle with whatever I chance upon on cable TV.And once I am done watching some movie that I like, it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece for me to like it, I generally follow it up by reading up whatever imdb.com has to say about the movie.

The other day, I watched CRASH , and followed up reading up on it on imdb.com. I loved watching the movie and then realized it won the Oscar for Best Picture and I would say, rightfully so. The one thing I loved in this movie was the way a lot of things were left unsaid. You are just there soaking up in the intensity of the moment, you don’t need words to reinforce that feeling. In fact words would spoil the effect for me.

I can quote many moments in the movie, a white officer gropes a black woman, she is deeply hurt and then later on, she is stuck in an accident, moments away from her car exploding, and this very officer comes and recues her. She says “Anyone but you”.. but he speaks her out, and braves the flames that are just emerging and rescues her in nick of time. She doesn’t thank him, that would have spoilt the entire scene. She just looks at him, poignantly and he looks at her while walking away.

And another where an Iranian store owner goes to shoot the locksmith, because of whom, his insurance claim is rejected. And as the store owner is about to shoot, the locksmith’s daughter comes and hugs him (the locksmith) trying to protect him.. a shot is heard but nothing happens.. here again, the emotions do the talking.. no words.. and I loved the scene..

I like it when movies leave scenes to the audience’s interpretation, or intelligence.
In Hindi movies, I liked Kaminey for this reason. The narrative just kept going forward without stopping to reinforce anything for the audience’s benefit. You could turn around and talk to the person next to you, and you would have missed an important plot point.

And then there are movies, where everything is so beautiful till characters involved open their mouth. Sigh! So yesterday I watched a Tamil movie, which was sort of inspired from Crash, I would say. But only sort of.. the whole story was different and the setting was all Indian, all tamil. So this police officer harasses a guy, just because he is muslim, and later on, this very muslim guy saves him from a terrorist attack. A meaningful thanking look would have been enough, but the policeman has to hold the other guys hand and thank him, which was totally unnecessary.

I would say, directors, please trust the intelligence of the audience.

PS: It is obvious, i had a very fruitfull weekend of movie watching and household chores. :)

How do I tell you

2011-08-09T11:10:00.000+05:30

How do I tell you?
That after all these years,
the sight of you,
still makes me happy,
my heart skips a beat,
and a sheepish smile,
platers itself on my face..

How do I tell you?
That I dont even see,
the need to be beautiful,
for another pair of eyes,
but yours..

How do I tell you?
all this
and much much more..
Without sounding fake,
like I stole dialogues,
from rom-com movies..

How do I tell you?
the beautiful thoughts
which allign themselves
into measured words,
are all staright from my heart,
and only for you!

Words

2011-08-05T11:52:00.002+05:30

Sadness might squeeze me,
wring me like an old used cloth,
and force me to shed tears..
And then I would
wring it right back,
and out would come words!!

Crossroads

2011-08-05T11:43:00.002+05:30

You know , there are times in life when one stands across cross roads, not knowing which path to take. And then you make a decision, just based on what’s right there deep down in your heart..
I had such a situation when I completed schooling. Life then was like the first page in the freshly emerged year’s diary – full of possibilities!! I had so many dreams, I didn’t doubt their feasibilities, or set any limitations. I wanted to get into IIT, I got halfway there, I didn’t get through the main exam.

And then I got good marks, and I got a call from BITS. I wanted to go, but my parents couldn’t afford it then. I regretted it, I cried, and then I made up my mind, I had made my decision, chosen a local college, simply because, among the colleges of that level, this one was the cheapest! Life went on, no regrets, for I met my husband at college…

I got a job, life went smooth, but still deep down, those dreams from a long time ago make a re-entry and keep edging me to reach out and do something. Which is a good thing, for life is never truly over, and it truly is never late to do something, make a u-turn. Do something, change your fortune.. yes, I think I will die an optimist, and find something to smile about even at that moment..

My role model was my close friend’s mom. She was a teacher, and then when we were in 8th standard or something, my friend’s mom did an MBA, and got into a very good job, and I am sure she is flying high somewhere… I always keep telling myself, it is never late.

Why all this talk? I got an opportunity to pursue MS(SE) from BITS in my office. This calls for weekend classes for 2 years. I did a small cost benefit analysis of this situation, and that the benefit would be too low against the cost of not spending time with kid during weekends. Nobody is stopping me, I am blessed that way. My parents and in-laws are pledging support, and so is the husband.. it is just me.. I am so reluctant to go ahead and enroll myself..

I applied because this could be something that might wipe away old tears. I had missed BITS once, and now that I have the money, I can get that degree. But I kept questioning myself, if it was worth it, and I have finally decided to let this go..

May be, I will find my opportunity like my friend’s mom. Who knows? I try to tell myself, that not having a degree from a premier institution will not be a stumbling block. I was talking to a guy from my office, junior to me, and he was from BITS.. so here we were, in the same place, doesn’t really matter does it?

I am sad to let go of this opportunity. Teeny weeny upset.. but that’s OK I guess.. God might just have something better for me.. I still have hope and I will still keep looking!!

Have I ever told you?

2011-07-31T19:51:00.000+05:30

Have I ever told you?
Why I love you so?
Because I could be a child with you,
Throw a tantrum out of thin air,
Not ask sorry for my own mistake,
Instead make some more..
Cry like a baby,
Dirty your reputation,
You would still take it all,
And not let the word out,
Of the little child in me.
Sometimes its like this child exists for you,
To be taken care of by you.

Have I ever told you?
Why I love you so?
More than anything else,
Have I told you…
That you are SO deserving!!!

Thoughts

2011-07-27T13:16:00.001+05:30

So there’s been lots of thoughts brewing in my head and as always, there’s work and the next important thing to be done.. I wrote this a long time back, and it is as relevant as it was that day…

Random thoughts all get into this post. So well, you are warned!

1. Each day I drop Sanju to school. Some days are smooth, but some days are “I don’t want to go to school ” days. But we are managing along. And after I drop him, I wait outside the school gate, till it is closed. Yes I am one of those paranoid parents, who worries if the kid will run out of school unseen, and something might happen to him. Yes, always better safe than sorry. And while waiting so, I see lots of wonderful scenes. I see children coming really late, and the gate is about to close, and they are all rushing. Yet, the child doesn’t forget to wave his parent good-bye. It is sad that eventually he will learn to rush with life and not bother about these little gestures, but till then, it is beautiful to watch. I see children, small themselves, holding the hands of their younger siblings and guiding them. I never know how the time passes between when I drop Sanju and when the gates close. There just is so much to observe.

2. Work wise, I could be doing better. The good things first, as I am the eternal optimist. I making lots more time to be around Sanju. But on the downside, the quality and the quantity of work that I do, is really low. I am having lots of time to do reading of the technical kind. I have completed the SCWCD book , reading a Struts book. I have this whole reading plan: next in line is a book on Spring and then Hibernate. There certainly is a gap in my knowledge and am reading so much more to bridge that gap.
Sometimes, I think back if I could have been better in the previous job, I had more work there, but the pay here is at par with my experience. My pay in the previous job was pathetic. So all I can do now is read up, so I am prepared to look for another job if things don’t improve in the long run. Sigh! Such is the life of an IT person, (I could have said slave, but that would be too much, considering that now, I get paid for doing precious little!!)

3. You know during terrible summer months in Chennai, back in childhood, when there was no A/C, I would open the refrigerator and take a good peep for five minutes. It would be such a refreshing change from the sultry summary days.
Some days, I revisit old cherished up memories, stored up in a special corner of my heart. I could be tired, sad, bored, whatever.. and I would open up my treasure chest of memories and retrieve that one special memory and live that span of time again, and end up feeling so refreshed, very much like taking a peep into the fridge, for some chill air!
One such memory is of coming back to Chennai from Woodbury, around a year back. September 2nd 2010, I was back in Chennai. In the week running up to my trip back home, I was so excited and couldn’t wait to get home and see kid and husband. This was just the one thought running through my head.
It didn’t hit me till I landed in Chennai, that I longed to be back home and this is where my home is. I still can’t forget the rush of excitement I felt, as the plane touched down, and in the run up to that, I soaked all the scenes of that familiar place from up above. We got out of the plane and into the airport; I didn’t realize that speaking to a random stranger in my mother tongue would be bliss. For three months prior to that, all I spoke was English. And then it sunk in to me, I am home, Finally!
I couldn’t wait to make a local call to my husband and hear his voice. I couldn’t wait to see him and rush into his arms, like they show in movies. But this is Chennai, mind you, we don’t do those things here, at least not in a public, and certainly, not in front of one’s father in law.
And then we drove home. I was away for just three months, and I have never lived anywhere other than Chennai, and I looked out to eagerly see the familiar roads. I reached home and was so excited about all the gifts that I had carefully picked for everyone, so , the first thing I did was to open the suitcase. And then I realized, shouldn’t I be holding my baby. He was sleeping in the bedroom.
I saw such difference in him, It was so obvious that he was taken good care of, not that I would ever doubt my MIL, but seeing is believing, isn’t it? He woke up and smiled such a brilliant smile on seeing me and asked me, where I had gone all these days.
I still think back to that day, and the feeling of love with my home, and smile every day, cherishing my life here!
Writing about it, I am floating back to those days. Hard to get myself back to present, back to writing a conclusion to my post.

Can’t believe a year has rushed by already…

An Escape!

2011-07-12T17:26:00.000+05:30

I have never known what it feels like to have an affair.And i don't intend to find out either!
But having a hobby is the closest that i have to come that feeling.
Because here i am supposed to be doing something, being all prim and proper, and then suddenly, i am poetess, lost in thought, living in a beautiful magical world in my head.. don't you think, this feeling comes pretty close?
That feeling of escaping from reality and boredom, that excuse to get away from what you are doing everyday,
in my case work and constant learning, that escape to a magical land, you are still here, surrounded by your worries,
but just for sometime, you can indulge in suspension of disbelief..
Wrting a poem at work, reading something of a literary marvel, or plain reading a poem in my native language, makes me smile and the joy is so infectitious as to drive away my worries..

Fine, i wont stretch the analogy further.. but having a hobby , and one that you are passionate about is pure joy!!

Post of the Day!

2011-07-06T16:08:00.002+05:30

If there is one thing that I morbidly hate, it is pretence. Why do people have to pretend? It is annoying when you can figure out right away that there is pretence. But what is worse is when you don't realize the pretence, and then it borders on betrayal.

Take this example: I am asking for more tasks at work, because I am not one of those geniuses who can learn without doing. I need to do to learn. I do read, but for me the real learning comes from doing real work. I know I need to change my learning style in a way that I can learn more by myself and not from real work, but that will not happen tomorrow, and till I get there, I need to do more work and learn. So coming back to my point, people almost laugh at me, and say, "Don't be like this". And then they tell me stories about people who shirk work and go places, and about hard working people not getting anywhere. I am like, I am fine going nowhere really. No, I am not one of those hard working types, and I believe in work-life balance. I am just asking to be engaged with some task rather than have idle time. I can do with 2 hours of idle time really and not a whole day. 2 hours of study will do. I am too old to study 8 hours all by myself. Phew!

It's not like they(the others) don't want more task, or career growth. They may not be forthright, and they might go to a conference room to ask for work, rather than in open like me. That's it! And I have always been more open, always. Sigh! It gets on my nerves. Whatever!!

Another thing among the things that I morbidly hate is unasked advice. Please, please don't give me advice when I don't ask for it. As much as I am open to the fact that a good idea/ life altering thought could come from anywhere, it would rather be a thought than an advice. Really!

I think I should make a list of things that I hate. All this, when I thought that I am someone who cannot really have the feeling of strong hate. Apparently, I do.

I will update the progress on all my Goals: I am updating the blog every day. Studying minimum 45 minutes every day. Not yet sincerely preparing for Certification, am reading random topics of interest. Walk happens as I take kid cycling or to park, and if I am not home late from work. I am climbing stairs. I violated the "watch what you eat" clause twice. Control! Control! So all things well.

Other random update from life: Completed four years of marriage. It was celebrated by much fighting and patching up. So all is well that ends well. Sriram has been selected to give his shot at a scholarship. And is taking up chess and doing well. Sanju is just about managing to go to school, without too much of a fuss. Everyday, I wait for close to 30 minutes outside his school, consoling him for what is to happen next, which is me dropping him off at the school. My MIL accompanies us, and I think Sanju thinks that she waits for him outside till his class is over. But we are managing slightly better now, thank you!

Life goes on, he regular humdrum way it always does.

Magic

2011-07-05T15:05:00.004+05:30

You are an artist like me,
While I strive here,
trying my hand at masterpieces,
you just pour paint all over,
and yet make a beautiful painting.
Rain,What magical power do you have?

Love is

2011-07-04T21:39:00.001+05:30

Love is when…
You see me browsing at the store,
And buy me those very things,
I was looking at,
Intending to buy them for you!

On a Goal setting Sunday

2011-07-03T18:13:00.000+05:30

Today is one of those rare days when I have lots of time to spare in my hands. I have done it all today, read the newspaper, English and tamil at that, taken a long afternoon nap, browsed the net, played with kid, spoken on phone and it is not yet 6 PM and I still have time to spare. Yes today is that kind of blessed day, and I want to log it here for eternity, so I can look back on this day on well, heavier days and revel in the fact that I lived in such a day. How is this possible? Well, I finished up all my work yesterday, the Saturday. It gave me a backache, but it also gave me a peaceful Sunday.. and I am not watching TV.. so I have time to spare… Talking about which, watching TV is such a waste of time, if one is not watching nice movies…

Anyways, there was much thinking done for the past 30 minutes of the day, after I ran out of random things to do to while away time, that I decided to set myself timed Goal, apparently, it helps one accomplish the Goal.

That doesn’t mean I could write a 10 Million Dollar ten year post dated Cheque, which Jim Carrey apparently did, and more importantly achieved, if office mail is to be believed, but I can set achievable and meaningful goals at this juncture in my life.

Yes, we are more than halfway through the year, which is why I wouldn’t call them resolutions, and my resolutions are jinxed anyways. So GOALS it will be, and here they are:

1. Today : July 03, 2011. In another 6 months, as of January 03, 2012, I will have completed my SCWCD certification (now that Oracle has bought Sun , it is Oracle Certified.. but anyways) by understanding all the topics and not my memorizing the Dumps. I will have devoted 45 minutes everyday to study other than work. As of Jan 12, I will have set my GOAL for the next certification. Phew!

2. Today I am fat. It’s a sad fact, but one that I know and can correct. In six months, on the same date as mentioned in point 1, I would have lost 4 kgs from my current weight. I will have walked for at least 30 minutes everyday, watch what I eat, and use only stairs till 5 floors for these months.i honestly don’t know my weight. Embarrassing me by mentioning my weight here would be added motivation, but I honestly don’t know my weight. I just know what I look like in clothes I purchased before my marriage. I will go and weigh myself in the nearest pharmacy tomorrow, and set my goal. Phew again!

3. Now that the tough goals are done with, lets move to easier ones, I will write at least one sensible post each day for this blog. If I don’t have anything sensible to write about, I will title the post: “Post Of the Day” to warn you, my dear readers, that what follows will be random junk and well write, random Junk!

4. I will save my appreciations and note down important things I do, in preparation for my appraisal each day.

5. As a long term goal, as of March 2013, I would be employable [I am currently employed, but I mean employable for a better role and pay], and would be looking for better opportunites. As of March 2012, I should have attended at least one interview to judge my market worthiness.

That’s it. No more. No kid related Goals? I don’t need to mention them here.. because I don’t need reminders to make amends when it comes to kid. I do it everyday and it comes easily to me. Yes, I will talk to him about protecting himself from other abusive children (he got bit yet again by a boy in his school), which I am doing now, and about protection from adults soon. Wish me luck, friends!

On his third day to big school

2011-06-22T15:28:00.000+05:30

I just have to share this..
Today Sanju did the sweetest thing ever..

Sanju started school on Monday and has been crying everyday.. and puking too..
Its traumatic every morning to get him ready and drop him in school..
So yesterday he cried yet again when his teacher plonked him in his class… and five minutes of continuous crying later, he puked right in front of my eyes…
I felt very bad and on the verge of tears myself..

My MIL and Iregretted putting him in school.
So yesterday evening, my MIL told Sanju that Amma(that is me) went to office crying because Sanjay cried.. and that he must not cry to go to school..

So today morning, the crying started yet again..
And I became heavy hearted.
Sanju is still crying.. and in between tears, he asks me.. “Amma, naan azhuthaa , nee azhuviyaa?” (If i cry, will you cry?)
And I say yes, and then again, he cries but tells me.. “Amma nee azhaathe Amma” (Mom, dont cry!)

It was so very sweet.. almost tore my heart…
Sigh!!

PS: No, as a rule I dont indulge in emotional blackmail
:)

On being a Parent

2011-06-21T15:19:00.001+05:30

You cried
and my heart bled
even though tears are but
your expression
of your discomfort!

I try to read
more into it,
drill in all
my adult fears into it

Yet, after a few hours,
You play along,
like nothing happened.
You dont remember
ever crying!!

I, on the other hand,
am unable to let go,
of that Pain...
And still hold
unshed tears within me!

PS: Yes, Sanjay has started school.. and he cried.. and i still nursing that pain to see him cry.. and i thought delivery was the most painful part of parenthood!!!

me and the Club!

2011-06-16T16:03:00.003+05:30

Among other things, i am part of the Writer's club in my office. Here's a small write up i wrote in this club. I have sent this to the in house magazine, lets see if i get published!

"I remember reading this little incident sometime back. I don’t recall the exact names of people in this real incident, but I have never forgotten the message.

Once a person, who wanted to become a painter, went up to a famous painter, and showed him his painting and asked for the famous painter’s opinion.
The Famous painter, though a famous man, was still honest and a nice guy. So he looked at the artist-hopeful and told him in a gentle way that the painting didn’t show much promise. This didn’t deter our man and he pulled up another painting and showed it to the famous man, and the famous artist was taken by surprise at the beauty of the painting, and said that whoever painted that showed a lot of promise. He was curious to know, “Who did this one?” he asked.
Our man, had a sad smile, and said, “Oh! That was my painting from a long time back. If only I had heard your comments back then….”

Moral of the Story: Every artist needs recognition and encouragement.

I used to draw as a kid. I still have some of the drawings I did as a kid. But the sad fact is that now, I can’t draw half as well as I did as an eight year old. Each one of us has a passion, somewhere deep within, we may also have some talent. But in the absence of encouragement, so many of us might just give up on our skills, and simply not keep at it.

I love writing, but am no professional. I sometimes wonder if have the talent at being mediocre at everything I do. But I was sure that I won’t let go of my writing as I let go of my art, and so I blog and try to find some avenue or the other to write and more importantly, be READ!

For without an audience, the writer’s words are all but dead.

I joined in March 2011, not knowing then that I would find my avenue here. In a mail from Internal Communications, I found a link for the Writers’ Club. From then on, I have been hooked. I was amazed to see the amount of talent, from all the poems, short stories, travelogues, articles and other forms of creative writing under display.

So I went ahead and posted two of my poems from long back. And so many kind people commented on it. People I have never known or met pinged me and shared their thoughts on my writing. It felt so good, for the writer in me, to be read, and also to be appreciated.

For all us like minded writers, we put up our writing for everyone to read and comment on. We learn about different styles of writing, we read thriller like short stories, and some heartwarming ones. We are open to all languages, and each author adds a small translation for everyone to understand, and sometimes I am awe stuck at the beauty of each language.

I have been attending the Tuesdays with Writers’ meetings, and it’s actually so much fun. I can get all serious while writing, that the meeting is like an anti-thesis for me. The last session we had was so much fun, I laughed so hard. It proved to me that thought provoking sessions don’t have to be all serious!

Each meeting has something interesting. I have always dreamt of publishing my writing. Who doesn’t want a bigger audience? And I was surprised to know through the Writers’ Club that there are people who are actually living this dream. Writers’ Club for me has been a medium to network with people who share the same passion as me.

It’s nice to see the many ways of expression, for there’s always so much to learn from the world, and better still, from people, who see the same love in something you do. It validates your passion!!
"

Teacher

2011-06-01T11:14:00.000+05:30

You never know,
or could ever know,
you, the stranger,
walking by,
could be my Teacher.

There isn's a word shared,
sometimes there is,
but the world around,
is no classroom.

Yet you are my teacher,
by doing whatever you do,
by writng what you go through,
by preaching somewhere far away,
by doing all those things,
i never thought,
could be done!

You become,
to me-the perfect stranger,
a Teacher!!

SECRET FRIEND

2011-05-30T14:40:00.000+05:30

you are there within me,
my secret friend.

you crowd my space,
And I am lonely no more.

You give me insights,
make me smile...

you teach me to take,
everything in my stride..

and add to everything,
a new twist, a new view.

I never knew i could,
speak without a sound..

till you came along,
to crowd my mind.

And, i wonder why,
you choose to remain,
My and only my,
silent friend!!

My thoughts,
I wonder why,
i wouldnt pen you down,
or share you now and then...

May be, it just is that way,
that you will simply be,
my Secret Friend!

Friendship

2011-05-02T17:25:00.000+05:30

Friendship
is when, we both try something together,
everything at stake,
each wanting success,
as much as the other,
and there is healthy competition.

And i make it,
but you dont
I wont lie,
i was happy for myself.

And you did this incredible thing,
and proved why, you are,
my best friend till date.
I had further levels to go,
and you just had to go back home.
no question about the sadness,
you might have felt.

Yet, You called me aside,
and gave me all the books,
you had carried all along,
that we had studied together from,
and wished me luck,
from the depth of your heart,
and smiled the purest smile,
when i reached final success.

Of Change and Activism..

2011-04-29T10:33:00.002+05:30

Today is a day of change, of rejevunation.No, i didnt go to a spa, never done that all my life! Its an image that pops in my dreams , me in a spa, with a fancy glass of even fancier drink.. all but no!

Yesterday, i was not so happy. You know i have linked to CSA Awareness blog here and i do visit it once in a while to read up on the information there, and i go through survivor stories and it tears open my heart and makes me really sad! Yesterday, i was so upset reading one particular story, i wanted to hug the victim and cry for her, with her..

I felt so helpless, and so hopeless for the world. And was so very very sad... and deep within, even without me realising, i made a change, i wish to make a difference. I am no activist yet, but i have decided to help people i know. And i felt it was such a positive way to react. I will do something about it. I will make sure it doesnt happen to anyone i know

and then i read this and feel nothing but respect for this man, and his great deed. I hope things will change for a better world.

And this day, I swear to make it better. I swear to do something about it. And the fact that i am not wallowing in sorrow over all the victim's stories, but as an adult, i have sworn to do something, anything in my capability for any child i know.I feel i have the power to atleast help children, i know, if not all the children. I feel empowered, and a victim , no more!

Time

2011-04-12T11:41:00.002+05:30

We all hear sad news,
But Life never stops, does it?
It doesn’t wait there,
for you to recover..

The second that brought the bad news,
moves along, like it did nothing,
and brings along another second.
demanding something else to be done.

All this, when you want time to stand still,
to swallow you in.
But merciless time, just flows along,
reminding you, that Life must go on!

An Update and a Message

2011-04-06T20:56:00.002+05:30

So what have I been upto?
- I am settling in well in the new job. Joined the writer’s community, posted some old entries from this blog into that, joined the designing team
- I cooked three course meals for my FIL for two weeks, and realized I just might have the flair for cooking
- Completely kicked away any sort of diet and been gorging..
- Planning to visit sis and Sriram, once Sanju’s play school closes
- Trying very hard on not giving up my motto of learning at least one new thing a day, and this is work related, I tell you

One thing which is very close to my heart is my ability to create. Now I don’t consider myself as one of the most creative people, but what little I manage to do by way of writing is precious to me. I remember as a child , I was very good at drawing, but I didn’t keep at it. I still have a chart full of noddy pictures I drew as fourth standard student. The sad thing is that, today, I cant draw a picture to match what I could draw as an eight year old. Why? Because I didn’t keep at it.

Why do I say this? You don’t have to be good at anything to keep at it. If you are happy doing something, just for love , keep at it..because you will only get better..

ON CSA Awareness..

2011-04-04T11:39:00.000+05:30

I promise to be loving, to never ever lose my patience with my child.
I promise to bring in him lots of self confidence and no fear.
I want to teach you to not to be afraid of adults.
I promise to make an effort to never correct you by admonishung you, by raising my hands, or my voice,
or by scaring you.. you are a small baby, and nothing you do can ever warrant that reaction
I will remind myself, if i was near you as you made a mistake, that it was my fault to let you do the act in the first place.
I cant give you a camera to play with and crib when you break it, right? its my fault.
I promise to guide you with love, so if anything ever happens, you dont have to fear to discuss it with me. I promise to be open and not judgemental..
most of my friends say i am broad minded, i promise to make a effort Baby.

I have never ever strived for perfection in my life, but with you, i just cant make a mistake, not even a single one. I dont ever want to, and i keep trying.

I pormise to never shift my insecurities or my fears onto you. I promise to be your pillar of strength. So when you become an adult , you will learn self confidence.
Nothing i ever preach to you will work, if dont follow it myself. I promise to do all the things i would like to see you do.

I hope for you to have a lovely childhood. I am too optimistic and cheerful to look at every adult as a predator, but baby, deep down i worry so much for you and your safety. I pray that you dont ever have to face abuse, because of the sad fact that it exists and perverts as these exist.

That you are a boy and not a girl, doesnt make me blind to abuse, for i know it can happen to both.
This is when the guilt of the working mother sets in and i wish i would rather be by your side. Sigh!

But i promise to work on empowering you and to be your confidante, to listen to you and to look for signs,
to strive to be more supsecting , to protect you...

I read up on when to talk about good touch and bad touch, i hope i can teach you..

On this CSA Awareness month, I pray for the childhood of all children to be beautiful

I beleive that the worst crime that anyone can do is to childrem, for little children are not equipped to protect themselves.
I request all parents to be more careful, and to teach their children.

Random

2011-03-21T17:13:00.001+05:30

Inspirational Self Quote of the Day
The Best thing about problems, you are always happy when they are over.

New template: Result of not doing much work at new job. Made up my mind on not doing much work this week, reason being that induction starts from tommorow. So spent some time playing aorund with the template. End result for you to see.. let me know what you think..

Coming Friday happens to be Sanjay's Annual Day. friends of mine, pray for Sanju to do whatever he does, with joy.. I would like him to be the star of the evening, that may not happen, atleast..
If he has fun, i am fine..
I have no idea what the children are going to perform.. we havent been told anything yet, i should check with the school tommorow

You wont beleive this, but i got books for my son from his new big school and his school uniform today. Sigh!! Kid is already starting proper school, my poor little baby!!

Nothing else poignant happening in life to inspire poetry, or rant.. I am cooking full on these days, as my Mother in Law is out of station, so actually, time is a precious commodity, i could do with the sitting and listening that is the induction program from tommorow..More later, when the right mood sets in :)

New Joinee 2

2011-03-17T11:47:00.003+05:30

3 and half days and one tyre puncture later, i am all settled here..Oh Man! This should so not happen to anyone. My vehicle back wheel tyre had a puncture.And yesterday evening i realised that as i was about to leave.. this after walking in the basement for 30 minutes trying to locate my bike.. so Not my day... hmmph..
anyway, after usless attempts at trying to find a mechanic, i went home leaving the bike here, entrusting it to the security. As much as process irritates me,i am so glad it exists.. thanks to all that security, my bike was safe here.

so today morning, i went about on my mission to locate a mechanic, after much walking and asking around, i locate one.He was moderately dressed, but i bet you he is richer than me, considering that there were 4 people in queue, to get their wheels fixed, and the fact that he totally fleeced me and must be doing so to all innocent IT types..

So anyway, His Royal Highness decided to attend to me after attending to customer number 1, because i was customer Number 2, and also because i was a Lady, in his words.We go through all the process and the security thing and we walk and walk and reach my bulding.. he seems to know where my bike is parked better than me.. wow!This guy sure knows the place.

And hes quick.. So i got my vehicle fixed. I even test drove it to check, if he had indeed fixed the wheel, considering how fast he was working..

So there ends one adventure.. now i am almost ready for anything..Bring it on....

I am one of the chosen few new joiners who get to meet the global CEO tommorow. We are supposed to ask him a question.. i am trying really hard to come up with something very smart. so not happening!

We have to wear ethnic clothes tommorow. I so feel like a fresher all over again. hmm...

I miss my other office friends, for all the chatter and fun.. i hope to make new friends soom here, so i can start on some chatter..

New Joinee!!

2011-03-15T11:18:00.003+05:30

I cant beleive for the life of me that i am doing something new!! And i cant beleive that it would excite me so much!!

Yes i am scared.. i might need to start all over again...from scratch..as in getting a good name and proving myself as a reliable resource, growing technically and all that... but still am excited, at all the possibilities i have ahead on me.. and it is upto me to turn it any which way right?

i should know in 6 months how things work out.. but so far.. am super excited..

as you all would have guessed, i have changed jobs...and yay to that!! i never ever thought that would happen but it has..
:)

and this place allows blogging...so another yay to that!

the cubicles are smaller, the coffee sucks!, the lunch is ok and people, i am yet to find out, all the new joinee girls were fun to talk to... that aside, i need to figure out..

it is closer home, and work life balace should be good.. what more could a poor working mom like me ask? i reached here in 20 minutes today morning... i was so happy about it.

it is bigger than my previous org, and its different and same is some ways! I am supposed to be reading documents.. but am so not doing that yet..

friends of mine. pray for me.. pray that things work out fine and i lose my technology stigma and learn a thing or two for the betterment of my career and bank balance... :)

much more to say, but that will all follow.. so please go ahead , add your comments.. i am right here at your service to reply back!! yes, you and you.. go ahead!!

For a moment

2011-01-26T08:32:00.000+05:30

i sit here ,
in this little corner of my world,
Not making much noise,
living in the sidelines..
Not doing anything of consequence,
very much replaceable,
very much a part of the crowd,
almost to the extent of being invisible..

and then Something happens,
in my world, it can be miniscule,
and that would be enough,
to make me happy,
for a moment, i almost float up,
and raise above the crowd,
and let the happiness flow through words..

If only for a moment...

To Sanjay : on your first few steps

2010-11-14T17:59:00.003+05:30

Sanjay, as you take your first steps towards education and knowledge-gaining - i wish for you the following:
1. i wish for school to be a fun place for you, where you would love to go to every day

2. I wish for you to get lovely firends , like i did

3. i wish for you to enjoy your childhood

4. i wish for you to play well and fair

5. i wish for you to never stop asking why. I dread the day, education, formal as it is, will kill your questioning skills. beleive me,i have been through it, and now as an adult, and one who is a knowledge worker, i realise the importance of asking why.. i had stopped asking it and realise i might have learnt so much more, if i had asked why..

6. I wish for you to seek to understand, rather than merely accept. I dread again, that our education system, bookish as it is, may force you to acceept things as they are, and just force them onto memory, and thats not so difficult... it is more difficult to seek to understand.. So Baby, i wish that you would always seek to understand, and feel restless till you do..
Mom wasnt so bad. i remember asking my science teacher in 6th std, why sugar would dissolve faster in hot water than in cold water..and as years went i stopped noticing, and questioning...
I hope your inquisitive spirit never dies...
And for my side, i will strive to never tell you, thats just the way it is.. dont question

7. i wish you are accepted and you will accept everyone. like i read in a paper, exclusivity is a crime. I would break my heart to see you either being a victim of it or practising it.

8. i hope , when it comes to making career choices, you are pretty sure of what you want. I would love you to have a passion of your own and work in that direction. I wish you to know what you want yourself to be. I am still searching that...

9. I wish you would love reading and writing like i do.. just a wish.. it woudl be fun for us, when you are old enough to discuss books.. i havent read much after school.. so we shoudl be on the same page.. he he
its ok, if you are not literarily inclined and get into sports and all that.. whatever, its nice to have a pet peeve..

may be its the 3 idiots effect, you should watch it once, when you are old enough.. but it is very very important to learn just for learning... and seek to understand and question... we are all born with it, and like that quote goes, education ruins it.. which probably explains all those montessori school with enormous fees...
i just hope you never become a rote learner...

All the best Sanju. as you take your baby steps in this world..i loved my school days.. i hope u find them memeorable too...

PS: written a long time back , when i was free in office...got time to publish it only now... Sanju's been going to school for a few weeks now.. going fine... except for a kid biting him in the arm..i did take it up with his teachers.. life goes on..

Wheat Macaroni

2010-08-07T22:29:00.013+05:30

It is a lazy cloudy pleasant Saturday morning here in Woodbury. Yesterday was spent at work and shopping. And it was while shopping that i laid my eyes on this Wheat macaroni packet in Target store near my house here. Anything under a dollar catches my eye and so did this one. And so i bought it, thinking i can try it out. And of-course , a pasta sauce to go with it. Towards the end of my US trip, which turned out to be one long shopping trip, i am left with less dollars and more things than I can carry back. So this calls for rapid measures. So I don't buy tomatoes anymore, but buy tomato sauce instead..cheaper you see..

I am eating yummy macaroni as i type this. It is wholesome , healthy and tasty.. what more would you want.. I love wheat, and this was wholesome wheat, i could taste it in every bite.. and it is my pleasure to share it with you all...

The ingredients and the final products, in my teensy- weensy kitchen.

Lets get to the Steps:
Step 1: Boil water in a pan for 5 minutes and then add the macaroni and let it cook for 10 minutes, stirring in between.You could add salt to the macaroni as it cooks. I did that. Totally depends on how much salt you like in your food. I cooked on medium heat and closed the pan in between stirring.

Step 2: While the macaroni cooks, cut all the vegetables that you would like to include in your macaroni. My choice is limited to whats cheap and available in the stores nearby.Or I could say, I like a dash a color in my food. So i chose potato,carrot and beans.

Step 3: Heat oil in a pan. You could use butter instead. And then add all the vegetables, some amount of Ginger garlic paste, tomato sauce and stir well.Quantities are totally your own wish. I always cook without measures, i just know how much to put, out of my experiments with cooking, i can never say a measure for it. Let the veggies cook for a while.

Step 4: Once the veggies are about semi-cooked, add needed amount of salt. I pull out a piece and eat it to check if it is cooked or not. :)
And once the vegetables are fully cooked, add the cooked macaroni. Remember, strain it and add only the macaroni. Mix well. Add more sauce if you want.

There you go, Yummy macaroni ready!!!!

Among my other culinary experiments here, apart from regular sambar, rasam, koottu, I made banana parotta, and it was decent. Was too hungry to take snaps.. But it is so much fun trying out new stuff, particularly for a not so accomplished cook like me..

Try it and let me know!!

Reflection

2010-07-22T22:10:00.001+05:30

When I eat chocolate all by myself,
And my face gets dirty, little pieces scattered,
Around the big smile of satisfaction,
Playing on my lips…
It doesn’t quite feel the same,
As breaking up the chocolate,
Into tiny pieces,
As many pieces as there are people,
And seeing their face light up,
At the sight of the sudden treat…
And I think to myself,
Is that because, I cant see myself,
As I smile…

PS: Yes i ate a chocolate and instead of stealthily eating it all by myself, which the first thing i woudl usually do, i ended up sharing it with all of them there, just like that.. and surprised at the happiness i felt on sharing!! there you go.... out of my head and heart!!

i cant beleive that this blog has 4 followers.. wow... thanks people.. you make it worht to keep wrting and keep going.. thanks for the encouragement!!!

i am still in woodbury and am doing good.. cant wait to get home though.. :)

Rejected Advance

2010-07-02T04:19:00.000+05:30

The gentle and caring way
in which he said "No",
to my proposal,
made me fall oh-so madly in love with him,
-All over again!

On What's special today

2010-06-29T02:38:00.001+05:30

i didnt intend this to be a personal blog. But it is slowly turning out to be.. my literary and other (which means scribbling) pursuits lay far behind as i rush through life..
Well, today is another momentous day.. no i didnt get my promotion yet, my classmates are project managers and i am still Sr. Software Engineer.. so career is edging slowly to a point where i might
actually be making more progress being a housewife, apart from the fact that i am giving 100% to my job and am onsite now,but am no tech whizkid yet.. haha .. but i am so becoming one in another 2 years.....so i am off on a tangent
stealing away from the focus of today's post...

My third Wedding Anniversary!!!

Close to a month of being abroad, the hubby is sorely missed. i spoke to him his time 12 midnight and wished him and hme spoke to me my midnight and wished me. So in a way we celebrated our anniversay
over a span of more than 24 hours.

One baby, in-laws, lots of weigth gain and some weight loss later : iam still in love with this guy.. and i say it without a ounce of shyness.. whats the virtual world for, if not for this..
Yes, i love him ...a lot , actually!

It has been interesting three years, pepperd with 60th year celebrations of my father and father in-law, my seemanthan, Sanju's naming ceremony, his ayush homam...
Its been three years of domestic life, finishing up work, going home, cutting vegetables, washing vessels, taking care of baby[for two years that is]...
Its been three years of marriage, and we are almost close to a point where we dont actually talk much , but i would like to think that
we are at a point where we dont need to talk to understand.. ha ha

Lets say now , i even understand his silence over long distance phone call... hah!! almost romantic...

i made payasam today and shared it with my room mate. No temple to go to here, i could go to a Church.. am seriously considering that option.. The husband went with kid to temple..
but i want to say Thank you to God too..

Thank you for letting me meet this wonderful person.
Thank you for letting our wedding happen...
Thank you for the woonderful times... Thanks for giving me the opportunity to be loved..
Thanks for letting me love too..
Thanks for the Baby..
Thank you for everything..

I am mostly happy with life.. but just today i wish, i was at my home with my son and husband.. but thats ok..i think retail therapy should fix that!!
:)

To Sanjay, and to you....Yes you!

2010-06-18T21:44:00.005+05:30

To Sanjay:
Today Baby, i saw you after such a long time... it has been two weeks almost.
i have your photos and i see it everyday and show it off.. you are a cutie arent you?

I dont have a web cam at my end, and i was happy. For when i saw you, i couldnt speak for a second, i was all teary eyed and jittery voiced. But i hate to cry in front of others. So i didnt and i began to chat with you and found that you are happy.. and my heart smiles...

I buy clothes for you here , Baby. I hug them, imagining you to be wearing them. I smell them searching for your cute baby smell. I see your smiling pictures and smile away..I miss you.. but mostly i am OK.. because i know you are ok. Be good.. mommy loves you so very much Sanju...

To my one faithful reader:
Today a friend of mine is in pain. he has been through a big loss and it pains my heart to even think of it. So please pray to your God, whichever God.. that my friend and his family gets the strength to pass through this tough phase. Thank you!

I am Here..All alone

2010-06-12T04:32:00.004+05:30

i am sitting in an alien country. Its 5:30 in the evening. Everyone in office has left. I came in at 6:30 am.And now my manager leaves... My family is not here.. everything is new/ different. Some Cab drivers are rude and none of them give you change. I dont have change.. correct that.. i put in all my dimes together and i have enough change to pay for the trip back home.. i dont have a car..it doesnt matter, i dont know to drive a car anyway.. My work's not done yet... i cant work from home, net at home doesnt work...i am actually quite close to tears, was rather.. blogging makes me feel so much better.. like talking to a friend, a virtual friend as i sit here all alone..

things are so different here than in India.. the cubicles have such high walls, that you cant possibly see the person sitting in the next cubicle. Private yes..but suffocating too.. so not for someone like me, who just cant be without people...

high walls, as in a castle, as if in a jail - depending on your mood.. on your situation

I had a life in India.. i didnt blog.. here i am all alone.. and almost crying.. and i rush to this blog... few more hours and it will be morning in india and i can talk to them... releif...

not so bad actually.. but sometimes, i miss my life back there.. more so when i am stuck with too much work, and i know there will no smiling baby waiting for me at home.....

just notes from a lonely soul!

Abroad!!

2010-06-11T22:07:00.003+05:30

I am abroad finally..
I am in Woodbury, MN, USA for three months.
Thats three months of bachelorhood.. but also three months of missing baby and husband..
so far i have been doing good except for one bad day, when i sat down and cried.. i missed family so much that i just wanted to get back..
I have begun cooking here , eating veggies and all..
work is going good , so far.. took some time to settle down here.

The journey was fun, what with removing shoes and belt and bangles and watch and all for security check, and having to carry an official laptop, whose password i dont know.. and being asked to login to it at security check.. and after all that, we clear immigraiton and get into this country to find one of our fellow travellers missing..

so we search and search her.. we dont have mobiles, we are just landing remember? and we miss our flight and finally figure out that she has taken her flight and gone..
so we take the next flight and reach Woodbury.. interesting is an understatement..
wow!!

this place is nice, there is sun for so long till 9 PM.. think of it.. it is summer here and the weather is pleasant and very managabe for a madras person like me..

just learning to get along with the people here, interesting i tell you.. i sat through a whole day of meeting yesterday and observing work action was interesting,..

our apartment is real nice and i like it.. we just got tv and yet to get internet going in our apartment..

lots more to say.. but i gotta do what i have been brought here to do.. that is work.. so catch u all in a bit..

A moment to listen

2010-01-11T13:06:00.001+05:30

The thrill or joy felt
from any action cauing guilt
would end up getting eaten
by the guilt instead,
and make me feel
like the lowest of all living forms

The joy felt instead
When the conscience speaks out loud,
and just this once i dont drown it
in the maddening noice of my vices
is unsurpassed, making me proud to be me!

Sometimes all it takes is a moment to listen...and a choice made henceforth...there are times i am tempted to do something which is aginst my own value system...and immediately the conscience speaks up and tells me a big NO and times when i do listen are the times i am the most happy and PROUD to be me..

Like when someone leaves their kid with me, and i treat that child like my own... like when i am going in my bike to office and i see someone i know..i want to just keep going but i listen to my heart and stop the bike and ask them where i can drop them..

Like when i put the vessels for the maid to wash..i clean them fine first..so she doesnt have a touch time cleaning them when they are all dried up the next day when she comes...

times when my heart takes over and times when i stop by to listen to my conscience are the times , i am the happiest!!!

Not to Forget, Happy new year!! everyone

Partner in crime

2009-12-29T18:19:00.000+05:30

As i sat there listening
to one of favourtie songs
for the last time - once again.....
And began swaying gently
like i always do
when the music gets to me...
The small wire connecting
the earphones to my PC
became my partner in crime

PS: When the music is in flow, you can find company from strange quarters, no????

On faith, pain and all that..

2009-10-29T11:44:00.000+05:30

I am in a nice mood today. Which explains why I am blogging, as opposed to 4 years back, when I blogged when I was sad and couldn’t talk about it to anyone.

Life has changed so much and me..you see these days, I am not shy of my problems, whatever they are, currently not much, Thank you.. And so since am not shy of my problems, I am able to talk about them and I don’t need to hide my problems and worse still hide my pains.

The worst part of not sharing my problems or at least not being open about them was pretending everything was alright, when actually I was at my lowest. I know at least one of you must be reading this, and if not..this is for myself, if I ever return to my “hide your problems” phase..i tell you, totally not worth it.

Those days, I would cry everyday. My eye lids would be swollen. And I would apply thick eye liner so that it doesn’t show, the swollen eyelids that is…how much more easier, If I had just been open that I am upset about something.

So that was long back and thankfully, I have come a long way from that… I have married the person of my choice, in case you were wondering what I was crying about.

The last time I was upset was when my nephew fell ill and that was a good two years back. And I dealt with it positively, by writing “Sri Rama Jayam”, keeping my hope and total faith on God.

I am so glad I am finally back to my optimistic ways. It rained yesterday and the hubby and me were getting drenched and were on way to work. I had smartly chosen a dark color salwar kameez. And did I crib that I was getting all drenched? I began to enjoy getting driven around in the rain.

Yesterday while on way back home, I saw this baby boy, around my son’s age, crying in the railway station. He didn’t have a piece of clothing and was sitting near his sibling and crying. There were two idlies before them. So at least he wont go hungry, but it pained my heart. You see I have a baby just like him at home. And even for a split second, I couldn’t imagine my child in that position…it would tear my heart to conjure up that image….i did what I usually do, I prayed to God. I am no activist… mostly I say a prayer and walk away..

So whats in a prayer you ask? Well, it’s a question of faith. And no I am not deeply religious..i identify all the festivals in my religion by the dish that gets made for it..so that’s me.

But I do believe in God of some sort. Who will listen to my prayer and answer it. So my friend at office was upset about her friend who had met a big accident and a possibility that she may not walk again..fractures in leg and all. And she was upset about it..and I told her what I had mentioned here…I deal with that pain by applying a bit of hope. I keep immense faith in God and plead to my God that my prayers be answered..and guess what I have immense faith that It will be answered. So I told her, have faith and write Sri Rama Jayam..108 times everyday till she is alright and she will be alright.

Guess what, the girl is alright and will hopefully walk in another 2 months. Is this the power of Sri Rama Jayam? Am I asking you to convert to hindusim and write Sri Rama Jayam? Far from that….you see it is the power of faith..faith on anything..faith is “the” most powerful thing in the world… Like Paulo Coelho wisely said much before me…

When you want something badly enough, the universe conspires to get you that…

So faith in anything you do, faith that it will make a difference, and doing something..really works..

So all random topics covered, how can I leave out my adorable son? He is one little cutie..my fears of him not having teeth at all have been laid to rest, he has 8 of them now at 18 months… and more are on the way. He speaks two words together, like say “Phone Thaa”, “Tea tha”, yes my son drinks tea…I am working hard to get him to speak English..i say water and my MIL says “theertham” so he can stay tuned to our customs….Little guy is picking up bits of everything.

Sriram is just the little devil, he always was…lovable little devil at that. As always cuddling upto me, his chithi..

Things are good…how can I forget this?? My husband has completed his part time MBA and had come first..i will be going for the convocation with the entire family… am so looking forward to that…

So all you people, Take care….

Overheard .....

2009-08-14T15:21:00.000+05:30

at Health and Glow outlet
Lady 1: so…does that age miracle thing really work
Lady2: (half mockingly) Ofcourse…that man there thought I was my daughter

Me: !!!!!!!!

so i am in a nice mood today and all like i mostly am, unles ofcourse when i have work in office..no but seriously..i live in constant fear of screwing up something real bad at work..i wonder why i have such a bad inferiority complex, when it comes to having confidence on my working skills.....it might have something to do with the two and a half projects that i screwed up!!!!

but post delivery, like i said before, i am a changed woman..so i try real hard to be sincere and serious...seems to be paying a bit as i work to my conscience's satisfaction, if not anything else.

Mandatory update about Sanjay and Sriram:
Snaju is now 16 months old and speaking a few words...quite a cutie i must say [hard not to be when your mom's a cutie herself...ok...i know that anyone who knows me would have laughed hard at that...but in my thinner days...i wasnt so bad , you know...]. he seems to be teething real slow, he has just four and a half teeth..need to ask doc this time when i take him for his vaccination...otherwise, he is doing good

Sriram goes to play school, says slokas, speaks dime a dozen..honestly there isnt much time to catch up with Sriram, as i am a busy mom now..and i do make the most of it when my sis comes visiting my mom....i got him a pair of jeans that he picked himself..so quite an induvidual you can say...

to wrap things for the day...enjoy your weekend..and Happy Independence Day!!

Magic

2009-08-14T15:11:00.001+05:30

If there could be some magic
Which would replace
A really bad memory,
With one so good…

Would wipe my frown
And widen my lips to a smile.
Would lighten the redness of my eyes
And bring it some shine.

Would take off all that temporary cynicism
And bring back my perennial optimism
It would be so good…I think to myself

And then it hits me,
I can write, there’s magic in my pen!

PS: my way to expressing how writing can be such a wonderful healing process....
Long time since i blogged...lets say i have been a combo of busy and lazy..
life's going good as always, swine flu not withstanding...like i was telling my friend, in different times, i would have laughed at all this swine flu scare, but after baby, i am a chnaged woman i say..i now bite my nails and monitor swine flu news and pray to god like carzy to forgive me of all my sins (i havent sinned much, if you leave out almost running over a cyclist today morning...but then he scolded me real bad, so i guess we are even now!!!) Bu Sanju has been doing good, by god's eternal grace...all you people take good care of yourself..lets hope all this subsides real soon...

Random post about my life

2009-06-07T13:21:00.003+05:30

So this blog was almost dead...just that i didnt have th heart to let it die..honestly!!
So what happened meanwhile?? I celebrated my 26th birthday...i am old already! Sanjaya turned one year old already, Sriram is 3 yrs old, Sanjay had his mottai, i am managely decently along at work, been a little busy mothering Sanjay, handling everyday...and you may not want to really know it, but i am proud of it and i state it, i am still feeding the little guy and plan to do so till he is two years old..so am i the perfect mom??? Far from it, i let him fall and get hurt and all, not on purpose of course!!

And this blog is 5 yeard old!!!
so that was random update...mundane household duties beckon.......

Lessons from life

2009-06-04T12:13:00.000+05:30

I am still learning lots in life. Every day as I step out, I know not what is in store. No , my work doesn’t involve any adventure. It is rather mundane, nothing risky or life altering.. yet there’ so much I learn..
So what did I learn today? I learnt that one must stick on dreams regardless of what the world says. There are times when people talk about things which I feel is highly impossible, I almost tell them so. I didn’t realize that I had been quashing dreams..i only thought that I was being practical…that’s how things work and it is going to be very difficult to have it any other way!
But guess what? That is so not true. You don’t need to conform to any rule or any normality and that your dreams can be as outlandish as you want it to be..and you can have people call you weird and say that things may never work out and wonder why you would walk out of a comfort zone that you have so well created for yourself and all that, and yet you hold onto your weird idea…one fine day , it will be true..seriously!
Its nice to prove myself wrong, to see how I can go on conforming to normality and keep quashing my own dreams..somehow this thought refreshed me today, and I make a promise to myself that I will never let another person quash my dreams, no matter how strange, impossible, or much above my level they may be….

The magical room

2009-02-18T14:59:00.000+05:30

I live in a magical room
Where thoughts float around like bubbles
And magically link themselves to form stories

I live in a magical room
Where every emotion gets a little space
Be it sorrow, be it joy

I live in a magical room
Where there’s no stopping me,
Where anything I dream could be true

I live in a magical room,
But I am not all detached from reality
For I think about you too

I would like you to get in,
And see the magic, I worked for you.
But alas magic as it is,
You cannot even see,
The door to my magic room

PS: I am feeling all poetic today. Which means I don’t do work but instead open my diary, get hold of a pen and begin to scribble. I wrote two more which I have contributed to the company e-mag. They insist on stuff they receive not being previously published. They need not worry, I seem to be the only one reading my blog…..

Hello anyone else still reading my blog, please let me know how you interpret my scribble here. I would really like to know what you think this could be about before I reveal what I actually thought while writing it…

ice creams, soda and memories

2009-01-20T15:18:00.000+05:30

They were there at the regular ice-cream place. It doesn’t boast of great ice-creams, but it was close enough to work, to sneak in for some gossip. It was also used to meet up old colleagues, who were no longer allowed access beyond reception, to people’s seats where gossip seemed its most natural.
So one of those days, for one of those many reasons, they were at the regular ice-cream place.
The ice-cream lover that she w, she was really glad that of all these visits. She really thanked her stars and the innumerable Hindu Gods, that the ice-cream place was indeed a ice-cream place and not say, a muttai-bonda place or some such. Then she would be forced to join in just for the gossip..
So getting back to their current visit, they began this trip talking sweet nonsense and other gibberish. Each ordered something just to keep the conversation going. She being the foodie that she was, she grabbed a bottle of soda and drank a little. She almost spat out a bit, surprised by the taste of it. That called for some laughs and other talk about who had had soda and who had had lime soda and so on when suddenly something happened.
Memories came flooding back to her, drowning all the noise of the chatter. Memories of good old days, memories that she didn’t even remember having, memories of long lost childhood, of when there was goli-soda, of when there was thatha to go along with to neighborhood shop, of the neighborhood shop keeper who always had a credit history with thatha, of being 8 or 9 years old, of school and friends and innocence and studies and a lot other more. A wave of memories hit her and transported her to a time so long back, taking her to the land of her childhood. So lost was she in her memories, it didn’t surprise for a moment, how loaded a memory of a sip of goli-soda could be….

Silently, she gripped the bottle a little harder and took another gulp. She was liking the trip down memory lane. It was nice to be 8 or 9 years old again…..

Random thoughts

2009-01-02T17:55:00.002+05:30

Strangers, till then…

We were strangers till then
Despite having known each other
For very many years

We were stranger till then
Despite meeting every day
And talking very much

We were strangers till then
Though no one who saw us
Would say so

And then it happened
A common grief, a common loss
And opened up the lovely little heart in you,
Through your words
We were strangers till then….

On what could have been

When she was small,
When her nascent brain
Didn’t have adult conditioning…

She was an artist
Who would draw out her story

She was an actor
In every day play

She was a singer,
Of popular songs, shouting through the roof

She was a story teller
Passing of fantasies for real life experiences….

She was a dreamer
Looking at bejeweled night sky…

She was a bunch of possibilities
Today, she is a designation….

PS: I love to write....good or not..theres no stopping me. I really wanted to get back my scribbling and came up with these two. Not very impressive, but well, i have made a beginnign again and i really want to keep writing more and more..
:)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!!!

2008-12-25T06:17:00.002+05:30

I wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year!!

As always there's lots to say and so little time. My little one has been keeping us all busy for now he crawls ad crawls and doesnt want to sit in a place. He can hold to furniture and push himslef up and stand. He falls a lot though, so someone always has to be behind him.

Work is going good in the sense that I am still on the Job.Got another award recently. Looks like Sanju has brought me good luck. :)

Most important update, post pregnancy, i lost the pregnancy weight to gain it all back in a few monhts, let me give you sample conversation that would best explain my plight:

While Pregnanct:
Random friend in office: You are getting fat.
ME: I am not fat, I am Pregnant!!

After delivery (getting BMI and BP checked in office):
Lady(After seeing my weight): Madam, are you carrying?
ME(Almost laughing and crying together): I am not pregnant, I am fat!!

So there you go!! In my zeal and stress to exclusively breastfeed my baby for the first 5 and half months, i went on an eating binge. I was always worried I should have enough milk for my baby. I managed well , only i got fat.

On the bright side, none of my old clothes fit me , so i have to get myself a whole new wardrobe. Yay!!! My mom's clothes fit me, so now i dont share with my sis, but i get to share with mom.

And the husband still thinks i am cute. Love must indeed be blind!!!
There i was one morning, sleep deprived, wearing nighty, smudged eye-liner appearing like dark circles, dishevelled hair...waiting to close the gate after the husband leaves for office. I am looking at him and thinking, "He is so good looking" , only i dont say it. He gives me one look and tells me, "You look cute"....

Now everything is alright with my world...weight issue or no....i am happy and just fine!!!

Life as a working mother has been interesting. Initially i didnt want to stay in office and wanted to rush home to be with baby...now i am learning to deal with it . Anyways, he is given good care by his grandparents..

So life is going good....
I saw Madagascar - 2 and loved it, but i am going to save that for another post!!
:)
Have fun all of you ad enjoy your life!!

Break that down...

2008-11-13T02:30:00.003+05:30

Yesterday i was given an award in the recognition program in office. Not a big deal actually. But if you are a small time developer like me with little expectations, it can be big.

I was all happy and spring-in-my-step and all. I have little expectations from life mostly. That makes me mostly a happy person.

So coming back to the award, the person who had nominated me was telling the group as to why he thought that I should get the award. (Jargon Alert!! Not that I know too many jargons, lets just pretend that I do )He was telling them that he was trying to host an flash application on a content management system and he didnt know how to do it and he didnt find reading meterial on that in any of the forums and all and that I helped him finish the task in 2 hours, quickly.

It is after this little talk that i realised the real reason for me being able to help him finish the task so soon. Well, he looked at it as hosting an appliction. I looked at it as displaying a webpage in another page....
(End Jargon Alert!!)

what am i coming to say, you ask??? Simple, break the big problem into smaller ones and begin by solving the smallest first. Helps, really does!

Breaking Cliches

2008-11-08T05:45:00.000+05:30

I am learning to break more cliches which is a nice thing. I am breaking some of the rigidity inside me. Today I was speaking to my former Project Manager, a really nice lady. She just had her baby , her baby must be about 4 months old and she has already joined work. I was wondering why would she do that? Because she has leave. Yes these are uncertain times and people are getting fired. But I was thinking that feeding baby must be top priority, and her husband is earning, so why cant she take a chance and take leave to feed her baby.

I was thinking how some people can compromise things for money and so on and so forth. But today she tells me that her husband has been laid off. And there is only one income and that her husband is searching for a job.

I now get it. She cannot afford the risk of taking leave. What if her job goes too? What will they do with two children?
I empathise with her and really pray hard that her husband gets a job soon. I was so judgemental, I shouldn’t have been. People are different and come in all types from outside and within and just because they are different from me or do things differently from what I may be doing or what I think is right doesn’t make them bad or negative….

And I am learning that..

Baby, job, lay off and some such

2008-11-08T05:41:00.001+05:30

There are a few updates regarding kutti Sanjay. Well, he is almost seven months old and has learnt a few new tricks. He is trying to crawl. And he is saying “mmmmmmmaaa” , almost “Amma” and this is music to my ears and the icing on the cake, he is trying to sit. I feel so proud looking at my son, I scream with joy and pride as he displays every new skill. It is beautiful to watch a child begin to do new things..but now that I am working, I don’t get to see things the first time he does them….i miss that..but at least he is gracious enough to show me a new trick or two once I am back from office.

Talking about Office, things are not looking all that good. There was a lay-off in my company, some say 60-70 people and some say 120 people. People were suddenly called for a meeting and informed that they were being fired, or being let go , like they say in politically correct circles and they were asked to leave immediately. How miserable would that be? One day you are at work and the next day, you don’t know where the next salary is going to come from. I feel sad for them.

What would I do if that happened to me? I would take a break till the kid is a year old and then search a new job, but the very thought is scary. Tough times. I pray to God to give everyone the strength to carry on and find better options and carry on.

Not totally unrelated to the above, I sometimes wonder if I have a career choice other than the one I am currently in. I love writing. I used to write stories when I was in school. Pity I stopped doing and moved to random four lines that I call poetry. Doing something creative gives me a high. Creating stories is one such.

What would I love to write? I would love to write pleasant romances, not the ones where the guy is rich and handsome and the girl is pretty and all such clichés. But like “Jab we met”. That’s one movie I totally fell in love with. The characters were so real. The situations real too. Its not all sweet for the heroine alone, she gets chased by wrong characters, she gets advised by the station master and she retorts.But whats most interesting about the story is the contrast between the two characters, how vivacious she is, how optimistic she is, how much she enjoys the little joys in life and how he is so silent and serious and how they both change completely after time, how they have influenced each other. How She helps him in the beginning and later he helps her ….mand, that’s one movie I would watch a thousand times. I want to able to write a story like that..seriously.

My friend says,I should write my own love story. It is not cutesy like “Jab we met”, though it does have its cute moments. But as time goes by, I am forgetting all the nitty-gritties and the little nothings of my obscure love story. But If I do write I would put in all the clichés and make myself the pretty damsel in distress and my husband , the knight in shining armour. Who wants to be odd man out???

Hah!! I could write a love story inspired by my own and use a pseudonym!!!

But if my writing is going to be as obscure as I have just written , the chances of me making a career out of it is very slim. But who doesn’t dream impossible dreams??

Random Updates

2008-10-26T05:41:00.000+05:30

I have a big weakness or Is it a gift?? I talk dime a dozen. I listen too…but I talk more, you get the picture. I worry if I am boring. Do any of you worry that way?
It’s just fine between me and the husband because he doesn’t talk much and I talk a lot, so there is a balance. And he loves me, so he wouldn’t find most of what I say boring and I listen a little longer when it is him talking. But not all are like that no?

I just realized that music makes me happy. I never thought I was a music person. But music does make me happy. I love the sound you know. Silence can be sometimes so uncomfortable. I like silence too , when I am too happy to want external influences or with someone very special say my husband, my child, Sriram….i love the bonding that silence can bring then…but when I am not in that much of a high spirit, music please anytime,……

Talking about Sriram, I love the little guy to bits and love the way he adores me. Even my own son doesn’t adore me that way. Kutti Sriram will look at me and say “vidya chthi kannu azhagaa irukku”.I would hold his hands and walk with him and he would lean and kiss my hands, suddenly and say “Vithya Chithi rumba pidikkum” . I love the expressiveness. We all exhibit our affection to kids… why cant we continue demonstrating our affection.
Sriram has started playschool BTW.

My own kutti Sanjay it well past the 6 months mark. Time flies by …. Sometimes when I think back I get tears of joy. When I look at little baby like Sanju, I wonder how innocent they are and think how there couldn’t be a better representation of God other than Children. As far as Sanju is concerned, He is moving around on the floor and tries to grab everything and put it in his mouth.

I now go to work in my bike. Yes my own bike, bought with my own hard earned money. I am yet to get that used to driving in traffic but it is ok…
SO there you go…updates from me.

Motherhood Realisations

2008-10-24T06:11:00.004+05:30

I am learning a lot of lessons today. I am breaking my old mindset. I am throwing away some of the cliches that i have so much made a part of mythought process.
Today i learnt that excelling at work and being committed to work doesnt make anyone a bad mother. I had presumed that HR head who has just had a baby but spends considerable time in office must have stopped feeding her baby. Turns out that she expresses in office and sends the milk home for her baby, while me pretending to be the committed mother and running home from work as soon as possible, never made an effort to find out if there would be a place suitable for expressing in office and just gave up myeffort to express milk. I broke my cliche number 1.

I am learning that you can have a bit of both worlds. I am learning that it is OK to not want to lose your salary or your leave as long as you can push yourself that little bit further.

Everyday is a new day as a mommy

Milestones,birth story and all..

2008-10-18T11:22:00.003+05:30

I have been real busy. Its hard to find time to blog at all. I have to squeeze the little time. No i am not super busy but lazy. My life moves around in slow motion, so i am left with little time. The little did catch the dreaded cold and ended up gaining no weight the whole of last month. And now, i have mild cold and my little fellow has contracted it from me andis coughing.
:(

There is so much to say but so little time basically because blogs are blocked in office...hope everyone gets it..the only place where i am free is office.

MY little fellow is six months old and is moving around on the floor. Time flies by. And Sriram has started play school already..

I wanted to put down the birth-of-my-son story here before i forget it, but it is a long story and i need some time for it. Lets just say it wasn't particularly pleasant. We tried all day for normal delivery but ended up with C-Section at 6:30 PM. I remember the moment i set my eyes on my child. Just after they pulled him out, the doctor removed my eye pad and showed me my son. I didnt try to see if it was a boy or girl..it just didnt matter to me. Even before they could show me the baby, i heard the baby's first cry. The emotions i felt at that time cant be put down in words...and then when they showed him to me..it didn bother me whether it was a he/she..it was letting that moment sink in, i saw him crying and saw the uncut umblical cord start at his belly button and go down to the table where i lay...and then i began to cry for joy ...i must cried a good 15 mins..no word can do that feeling justice...a baby was something i wanted all my life and here he was....

Time rushed away and here i am , mother to my little fellow at six months...it s been a journey of joy, tears,guilt, fear and an amalgam of emotions, but me and Sanju paapa are progressing along fine ...
:)

My Little Darling

2008-10-03T22:32:00.003+05:30

This is my little fellow when he was 11 days old, on the day of his naming ceremony. Isn't he a real cutie?
thats me holding him...

It's a BOY!!!!!!!

2008-09-23T14:43:00.005+05:30

i couldnt wait to get my hands on a comp and type this post..it was like waiting to tell your best friend your most happy news...

I delivered a baby boy on April 11th at 6:31 PM. it was a C-section and baby and me were fine. We named the boy Sanjay. He is almost 5 and half months old now and doing fine. I am worrying he might be catching cold, but that aside, he is good.

I took six months off and will be joining work on Oct 1st. Lots to say and lots to share. I am brimming with words but no time as i am at a browsing center and baby is sleeping at home. I am here to send a bit of an official document.
All you people, thnaks for your wishes and take care. I hope to voice all my thoughts here more often.
:)

Pregnancy updates - 9th month

2008-03-24T15:36:00.000+05:30

Lots to say. I better say it now or the pregnancy might end and motherhood might begin. When I think about it, motherhood has already begun, hasn’t it? I am already nurturing a tiny little person inside me.

I had a scan in the fag end of my eight month and the scan said that my due date may be advanced from April 16th to April 5th. I was so excited. I know babies are a lot of work and my life will change in a way that can never be reversed, yet I was eager to meet this tiny little person inside me. I saw baby’s little feet, perfect and beautiful, on the scan. My MIL got to see a lot more, I was lying down, while the radiologist was explaining to MIL as to what on the screen was what.

I now visit the doc every ten days. I wish I lived in the doc’s house and the doc told me every moment that the baby is doing good. I have been told to monitor baby movements. I don’t know if I am doing it right, or if the baby is really not moving. As I have progressed through pregnancy, I have worried less and less. Yet a tiny worry will creep in once in a while. May be it is all a parcel of motherhood.

I am putting on weight rapidly. It is very hard for me to judge how much my stomach is expanding, but I am showing pretty lots. I was told in office today that my stomach was huge.

That brings me to another topic, I am still working. If I had a car, I would actually work till the day before delivery. I need all the holidays for later on when the baby is actually there. As of now, but for the mild physical discomfort, I am pretty much OK. I still travel by public transport, our very own PTC buses. But I only board a bus where there is a seat for me and if it is a direct bus, much better. My trip back from office is by a van.

The doctor actually told me to start the maternity leave from the 20th and my FIL bet that I would go on my leave from that day, as I already huff and puff and sigh when I have to get up and walk, as in get up from being seated on the floor.

I learnt these pregnancy exercises sometime back, and I do them at least once a day. I try to pull in 30 minutes of walking too, but somedays, I would rather laze around.

March 9th , I came to my mom’s house. I so looked forward to eating sweets made by mom. But Murphy comes into the picture and my sugar level is a little high. And me being me, can get pretty paranoid, so am staying away from sugar and sweets. Atleast, I will get to have them once baby is there.

My BP is high too at 144. I have reached a point where these figures just annoy me. I wish it didn’t have to and I didn’t have to worry. But anyways, people tell me that towards the fag end of pregnancy, BP does rise, so am OK and not exactly paranoid.

There still is no name for the baby. Husband and myself call the baby, Pappu. But it certainly doesn’t qualify for an official name. I should be looking for a name but honestly, am lazy. My kid is going to grow and read this post and get real mad at me, if I (along with the in-laws and husband) do end up giving a funny name to my kid. I don’t know if it is a boy or a girl. Half of me wishes I knew and the other half likes the suspense.

Now what baby do I really want? When I think real deep and answer honestly, I don’t know. I just want a healthy normal baby.

At the last visit to the doc, I asked her when would the baby possibly be born and she told me that I should really not think about it and the baby will come when it wants to. When I heard that from her, I thought to myself, “easier said than done”. But it does make sense. I was reading this book called “Dr.Spock’s pregnancy guide” and the details towards the last few chapters about labour and delivery were actually scaring me. I have to face it, but why worry about it now itself. So what the doc says makes sense. I am not going to think about delivery now. I am going to go about my life normally (the huge tummy not withstanding). The baby will come when it wants to and God will give me the strength and do the best for me.

The months have really gone fast and I cant believe that the pregnancy could be over anytime now. It might take longer too. I wish I have the patience to wait for my baby. I know that each day near the due date can bring a lot of anxiety. I just wish I have the will and patience to live through that. A lot of women have told me that not getting tensed during labour will help in a normal delivery. I wish I don’t have a C-section. That’s just a wish, the ultimate goal is a healthy baby and hopefully a healthy me too, so I can take real good care of the baby.

My company gives 3 months maternity leave and I can take one additional month off, which sums up to 4 months. That’s how long I plan to take off now. I will miss office, as much as I plain feel lazy to come to work. I have this very comp with me since I started work. This comp has been with me though thick and thin. I hope they don’t allocate my system to anyone else. I have cleared my personal data and am also in the process of clearing up my mobile drawer too. Am all set for the journey when it chooses to begin. I may not have it all figured out, but am willing to take this adventure ride and am actually looking forward to it.

I hope to keep blogging. My mom’s house doesn’t have a comp but I will try to put in my thoughts here. Wish me luck everyone!!!

An act of thanks

2008-02-22T22:38:00.002+05:30

If I can fill out your heart
with the worries of my sorrows,
Then I must also lighten it,
and tell you when things get better.

Thats my way of thanking you,
for sharing my pain

Stolen pleasures of life

2008-02-20T20:38:00.000+05:30

A stolen glance,
by chance..only chance
as you and i,
complete strangers till then,
silently laugh,
at the same funny moment

Pregnancy Update and other sundry information...

2008-02-20T20:23:00.003+05:30

Pregnancy update again. I have completed 7 months and am now into eight month. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me. 5th month I gained 4 Kgs which freaked out my doctor and I tried not to gainand ended up with a reduction in hemoglobin count, and so I began to eat properly and thank God , my hemoglobin count is now good. And I don’t have sugar(gestational diabetes). On the flip side, Ithink I am going to hear from the doc about my weight…..

Anyways, so far so good. I can feel little Paappu move within me pretty nicely and others can feel as well as see it once in a while when the baby moves really lots…its nice

There’s not much nausea, but I feel tired in the mornings and wish I didn’t have to get out and could just sleep. Once I am in office I feel better, traveling leaves me a bit tired.

I have two more months to go and there would be a baby. Overwhelming!!!

I think I have become majorly calm during the pregnancy, contrary to what people generally say, all that about emotional upheaval during pregnancy..i seem to have suddenly developed an ability to overlook the little things in life….they don’t irk me that much….seriously.

Good thing, totally not related to pregnancy, I cleared the SCJP exam. I hope to get one more certification before I resume work after the baby. I just want to make sure I am employable and always in a position to provide for my baby and all my loved ones.

Sriram speaks so much these days. It is such a pleasure to listen to him repeat words after the grown-ups, whether he gets the meaning or not. He can identify my voice over the phone and immediately says “Vidhya Chithi” or shortens it to “Vithi”. If you ask him to sing, he will go “AaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaa……” so sweetly….

Life is good so far. Nothing great happening on the career front, which irks me a bit, much as I try not to let the little things irk me…anyways priority no.1 is the baby and hearing and feeling that the bay is good fixes all the wrongs

My Seemantham got over and now my hands speak a language of jingle-jangle with every movement. The seemantham went well…well attended and I had fun as always except when I had to sit on the floor and my legs hurt like crazy..i was afraid to get and walk off,worried what some people might say…welcome to the tough life of a woman!!!!

I am now officially allowed to think of names for the baby..people out there, you are welcome to give your suggestions..i don’t know if it is a baby girl or a baby boy..so both names welcome please… However, I have thought of a baby girl name. Popular opinions of all maamis who attended my seemantham is that I am going to have a boy…but I have thought of a girl baby name …I really like that name…so Gods of numerology and popular opinion permiting and me having a girl, i would call my girl baby with my secret favourite name….i need to think up a lot more names though…I haven't yet thought of a boy baby name, did come across some that i liked but nothing that captured my fancy.

I am showing pretty well now. So even ladies hold the door for me and i get seat in train. It isn't always that sweet as sometimes people dont really bother. I can stand fro someime so it doesn't matter. But everytime someone does something because i am pregnant i feel real nice. It feels like a privilege.

So thats my pregnancy update...

Happy Valentine's day!!

2008-02-14T14:55:00.000+05:30

I am having a great day today. I had a love marriage,so I have known my husband for quite some time. He always buys me roses for Valentine’s day. Last year, I went to his college where he is doing his part-time MBA and we went home together…wondering where he is going to find a rose for me, when we found one by the roadside, probably one of the last that the vendor was having..it was magical and my husband got it for me…..

This year was really nice. I didn’t know what to buy him. I am a believer in value for money ,so I didn’t want to waste buying some useless gift..it had to be useful for him. I thought long and decided to buy him a good brand perfume and did so.

I went home yesterday thinking I would give him at 12 midnight. I had set my mobile phone alarm for 12 and had gone to sleep. My husband told me he had to do some PPT and sat at the comp. He asked me to set the alarm for 5:15 AM so I could wake him. So I changed the alarm time and went off to sleep. Mean me,I knew he would wake up at 12 to wish me. He always wishes me at 12, be it my birthday or Valentine’s day. Mean of me to go to sleep like that...i slept well while he stayed awake till 12 so he could wish me with a beautiful surprise….

I always keep my mobile below my pillow so I can hear the alarm go off. I had done so yesterday night too..

Somewhere during my deep sleep, I heard a mobile ring and the ring tone was a tamil song….i was still sort of asleep, I woke up and answered the phone to hear my husband wish me on the other side “Happy Valentine’s day”

It was just then it struck me that he had gifted me a new mobile. I didn’t have an iota of an idea that he was buying me a mobile…my husband later told me that he knew I would be getting him perfume..guess what?? That’s what I got him last time too….

And he told me that he had stayed awake till 12 so he could change the sim card from my mobile to the new one. He set up a nice romantic song for ring tone and placed the new mobile under my pillow all this while I happily slept.

It was really nice..its not just the fact that he cares but the way he cares..it was really sweet..as an after-effect , I am still smiling..Someone asked me “why are you continuously smiling??” I had to come up with my own fictitious reasons….but I was smiling because of the lovely gift that my husband gave and more so, the way he gave it to me…

I love the way he cares for people..not just for me but everyone…it is really sweet.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my dear husband…

Return to Blogaddiction

2008-02-11T12:56:00.000+05:30

Yay!!!
Broadband at home..freedom to blog all I want...Blogging, here I come..

Random Scribbles

2008-01-28T14:47:00.000+05:30

You

Sometimes , I think to myself,
You are my Ganges,
You wash away my pain,
You take all my dirt into you,
Yet,not think that I am burden…

Realisation

There’s a strange moment of contentment,
When I feel guilty for asking more from God.

Pleasant memories from Pregnancy

2008-01-17T14:47:00.000+05:30

1. Watching the two pink lines appear in the home pregnancy test kit along with my husband and congratulating each other….
2. Sharing the news with my MIL who put on her specs to get a clear look.
3. My MIL not allowing me to lift even the smallest amount of weight since the first day of my missed period till this day.
4. Sharing the news with friends and my friends buying me a temptations chocolate, something I really like.
5. My husband buying me Saffron once I completed the first trimester.
6. Being told that I am getting fatter and responding that I am not fat, but pregnant to people at office
7. The changes that are so many
8. Feeling the baby movements for the first time ever
9. Sharing the baby movements with another person and the other person feeling it too.
10. Seeing the baby picture from ultrasound , I saw the image as early as 8 weeks.
11. Seeing the baby’s teeny-weeny heart beating in the ultrasound and hearing from the radiologist that the baby’s good
12. Being offered sweets and savories by lots of people. Even today a colleague gave me home-made karasev. My sister made kanji-maavu for me, My FIL bought a variety of nuts for me. I have been advised to eat them since my hemoglobin levels are a little low now. Little acts where people do things for me without me asking them.
13. Being offered seats in bus/train etc. Being dropped at my door-step by the van driver and so on….
14. Laughing wildly and feeling the baby move very well, so well that I could feel it from the outside and wondering what the baby is doing inside.
15. My sis telling me I look pretty pregnant, though not all are that sweet...some tell me that i am too huge for my stage. Just today one guy had to walk upto me and tell me that husband looks better than me...what sort of a comparison is that???? anyways, i am happy...pregnancy is a wonderful excuse to get fat
:P

I have tried to list as many as I can . I might have missed so many for these six plus months have been peppered with so many pleasant incidents. It has been good. I am in the last trimester now, I am not feeling tired or anything. I had gained 4 kgs in the 5th month and then I kept going on walks and managed not to gain the sixth month, lets see what the seventh month holds….

Random Scribbles

2008-01-07T18:15:00.000+05:30

Loving the Different

Looking at the iron rod,
and the ever stretchable elastic,
it is so easy to conclude,
the iron rod is stronger...

But deeper thought will tell you,
it takes great amount of self-confidence,
to bend,change, adapt and accept things,
those that are beyond one's own norm

PS: there are a few people I really admire..and way up among them are people who are so confident about themself, that they can embrace something different...not all of us have that confidence

Tools

I have a scene in my mind,
a rather beautiful scene,
that the thought of it,
fills my mind with colours
of happiness and brightness....

But I don't have the brush,
to put it on paper

PS: One could have a hundres thoughts, but of what use are they without the tools to express them, where one primary tool i could think of is "words"

Pregnancy Updates

2007-11-23T15:31:00.000+05:30

Pregnancy update people..
I feel I must log my days as a mom-to-be here more for myself than anything else…I am sure I would love to come back and find out how I felt…Days are moving fast, I feel I would forget everything if I don’t log them here…and I don’t want to forget…

Pregnancy has been good to me so far…and some times when I do worry, I think to myself if I will ever have the guts to bring another child to this world..it is the whole responsibility that is so scary..in everything I do..when I eat,I worry I have taken all the nutrients that are needed for my baby..i don’t want to deny my baby anything when I am the only person now capable of caring for my baby.

I don’t sleep on my back, I only sleep on the sides and occasionally when some part of my body aches due to bad posture and I do lie down straight, guilt eats me up

When I read something in some baby site, something not so good, I get worried. When people ask me if I am feeling any movements, and I don’t have a clear answer for them, I am worried…
So yes there is lot of worrying..but it is nice too

The other day I walked quite a distance, not fast as before but slow with small steps and came home to realize that my feet were swollen..i was actually ecstatic to have one of the many pregnancy symptoms…it was on 21st November..i was sitting in my house on the sofa and looking at my swollen feet when I felt something in my tummy….
Is it the baby? I didn’t know

I told my mom that I could feel the baby’s heartbeats..thats not possible, my mom said..so I pressed my hand on my tummy to feel a little bit more..i sure could feel something like a hearbeat there…I took my mom’s to make her feel the same..may be its too early, may be I can feel it from the inside and my mom couldn’t but she encouraged me and told me that I will feel the movements all around as the baby will keep moving all around, the uterus, that is
:)

I was really overjoyed..and I called my husband and told him…he thought I was hallucinating..i am really feeling something, I told him

And so today I was waiting for my van when this lady had to tell me that she has felt such heart beats too…and I hadn’t felt anything much for two days, which got me all worried…so I was sitting in my van and thinking “Baby move” but there wasn’t any..

And so I come to office and let my worries rest for a while.. and begin to blog, I had just made the post below, when I felt a little something, that I can define in my belly, it is not yet my tummy, as I have only completed 4 months…..and I immediately said, “I love you Paappu”. It is so nice when the baby lets me know that the baby is doing fine…

The movements are still not strong enough for me to confidently say that it is the baby, but I would like to believe that it is indeed the baby…
:)

I was at my mother’s place for one month and got royally pampered….and got back to husband’s place recently…the day I was packing to leave mom’s place,. I was feeling a little sad…despite being married for 4 + months, I still feel mom’s place is home….and I still feel the same sadness I felt when my parents sent me away after the wedding…

I remember, the day after the wedding, my dad was sitting with Sriram when I went to speak to him. Little Sriram waved his hand to me…
“Avanum tata sollaraan” , my father said..i was about to break down and cry but I hate crying in front of anyone but my husband :) …..but I was pretty emotional…I still miss Sriram and wish I could bring him up myself…but he is a lot of work…naughty little fellow….

I have his photo here in my workplace , so that’s some consolation

I still miss my parents and it becomes all the more when I have stayed there for sometime and have to get back..but my in-laws are nice to me…so it is OK

I actually cried in front of everyone when my sis got married and left in the van to my BIL’s native place…I can be that emotional….

I have gone off on a tanget,,,so coming back to pregnancy, I had nausea and vomited atleast once every week...twice from PTC bus, once on road and once in office…..it was difficult….and once my mom’s friend helped me and got me a limca and also ensured I got a place to sit in the next bus that came along..i was really grateful..and once I called my colleague for help and she was more than helpful..

I am definitely fatter and have a small tummy now, not very prominent..but very much there…my baby

I have a scan scheduled in the first week of December. I am waiting to see the latest image of my baby..i just have one now , which was taken when I was 12 weeks pregnant and has baby..one blob for the head and one blob for the body… I am curious to see what the baby looks like now despite all those images I get to see at babycenter.com, which is where I get all my gyan on pregnancy from…and now, babycenter.com is refusing to load up in my system here at office..

I am trying to eat properly, I have started taking saffron in my night’s milk..it was bought by my husband once I completed three months…I felt really nice and he got me these ayurvedic pills too…which I was scared to eat ..but I have now begun eating it, my FIL and MIL are vouching for it

So there goes..i don’t think this is remembrance worthy material…but let me log it anyway

Worry

2007-11-23T13:15:00.000+05:30

I have a little stone I stumbled over,
And I picked it up and carried it around,
To show and tell…..
But whom would I tell,
But those who always listen to me
And take the little stone away from my hand
And throw It away

And so I walked ,
Only to see ,
They had bigger stones
In their path

I hid my stone,
Still unable to throw it myself,
And walked back silently!!!

Random experiences from Navarathiri season

2007-10-19T12:19:00.000+05:30

Its that time of the year when the dolls come out of their year long hibernation. Like little silk worms breaking out of their cocoons, the little dolls and some big ones too are opened by removing layers of clothes, paper and other assorted items used to package them. Some are old, some new in shiny plastic covers,some have theire noses broken, some badly need a coat of paint but they are all there. The kolu-padi comes out and the dolls neatly get arranged on them, reminding me of school prayer...

So what have I been doing this kolu season?I have been hosting it. MIL makes sundal and i have been devouring it.

(i) Little Sriram came to our kolu. He doesn't have any fascination for dolls and prefers to either run outdoors or if you force him to stay, he prefers to take the dolls...
He says "dubol"" before dropping things, as if in a warning. So the moment , he says dubol, we have to run and rescue the poor little Kolu Bommai. It was fun nevertheless.

He has learnt to speak so much. He says "Chithi" and now calls my husband "Chithappa" too....And repeats every word one says, without knowing the meaning.. I can go on and on about the little fellow...but to summarise it all he is turning out to be one smart cute little fellow.

(ii) Some people take such extreme interest in Kolu and proudly show off fabulous kolus. Some of them have it plain but make up for it with great conversations and even better tasting snack. It isn't always Sundal, there are many many snacks out there.. and i loved them all

(iii)Being Pregnant makes life so much more easier. It gives you something to say, the ice-breaker, the conversation starter.... And i get to listen to all these great advices, as to what is good for my health and what will make my baby fairer.... In one of the houses, the kind old lady placed flowers on my hair wishing me an early seemantham, she didn't know I was pregnant already, so much for societal pressure........

In fact, as part of the wedding ritual, we have to seek blessing from all elders by falling at their feet and guess what they have to bless us..
"Seekrameva santhaana praaptharasthu" or something to the effect of "have children soon"....

(iv) Going to kolus and returning back, we never come empty handed. Our hands are full with blouse bits and cocunuts, little plastic dabbas, ever-silver vessels, sundal packets, and what not....yesterday i even managed to get home a silver kunkuma chimizh..made my brother-in-law comment that i should go everyday, all nine days..

(v)Being pregnant brings with it a lot of privileges. i now come by van to office, not the rickety bus or the share-auto going bumble-bumble on rocky road-less road. And my van has a bunch of enterprising women. So one of them invited all of us to her home for kolu. So we all, around 15 i guess, went to her home and she had a gorgeous kolu....it was a perfect evening, what with great food served and great music too...

They sang some tamil devotional songs that i really liked and i enjoyed. I was glad i was exposing the little one within me to all this music. Some women asked me to sing, but the last time i sang was in the bathroom yesterday with the doors locked and the nearest human presence atleat 15 mins away
:)

So i was thinkiing to myself, that if i have a girl, i would like her to learn music...
:)

We even had an Ayudha Pooja for our van. The driver broke the drishti-poosinikka and everyone prayed for long life for the van...

(vi) Ofcourse, my Parents have this one year deal along with the wedding where they have to keep giving me stuff for every occasion. And this time they bought us new kolu dolls. Beautiful dolls. There was a kalyana set that i loved.

We have serial lights in our home that makes our humble kolu, all the more beautiful... and we have all the pulses, rics and other stuff placed before the chettiar-chettichi and some creature, i am guessing squirrel, breaks into the house and eats up one variety of pulse and doesn't touch rice.... and remembers to scratch my johnson's baby soap before escaping out

So it has been a fun week for me...still some more fun left as i have to visit a few of my husband's side relatives....